Tsahik
by Shai Nevermore
Summary: A young scientist is plagued by recurring dreams and an intense and unnamed longing. Pushed to the brink of insanity, she surrenders herself to it and finds herself faced with a choice she never thought possible.
1. Chapter 1

"Wait," she muttered. "Wait for me—I'm coming."

She could see her goal glowing faintly through the trees, so tantalizingly close it hurt. She quickened her pace, biting her lip nervously in anticipation. She reached out to brush aside a phosphorescent fern and suddenly found herself tangled in vines, unable to move forward. Growling softly in frustration, she squirmed and pushed forward, trying to break free. Her tail lashed behind her, reflecting her agitation as the vines around her repeated impatient protests.  
The vines were protesting…the female frowned in confusion.

"Come on, lady—you can't go outside without an exopack," the man in uniform insisted. "You can't go outside at all; it's past curfew. Just go back to your room. I'll come with you if you want. How about it, babe?"

"Wah," the young woman replied, stumbling backwards.  
The marine quickly steadied her and peered at her curiously. "You alright?"

"I—yeah, I'm fine," she said shakily. "I'm so sorry…I—I must have been sleepwalking."

"Yeah," the marine agreed. "They say you shouldn't wake sleepwalkers; I was trying to get you to go back to your quarters."

"Going and gone," the young woman said with a slightly strained smile. "Sorry to bother you."

"Hey, no problem," the marine said, grinning. "Beats counting the tiles in the ceiling to stay awake."

"Well, thanks…um…"

"Private Benson," the marine supplied. He smirked and looked her up and down without bothering to be subtle about it. "You got a name, babe, or should I just call you Sleeping Beauty?"

"Shawn Cooper," she said, crossing her arms over her chest—suddenly the shorts and tank top she had worn to bed seemed woefully inadequate.

"That's a dude's name," Private Benson informed her, as if she might not be aware of the fact. "You look more like a Veronica to me. Or Tiffany, maybe."

"I'll keep that in mind," Shawn said, her nose wrinkling with distaste. Those were awful names. "Goodnight, Private Benson—thanks again."

"Hey—maybe I'll see you around tomorrow night," he called after her.

"God, I hope not," Shawn muttered with a flash of unease—it was entirely possible.

Shawn made it back to her tiny broom closet of a room and sat on her bed with her knees drawn up her chest. Pressing her forehead to her knees, she took several deep, calming breaths. They were supposed to be calming, anyway. She didn't feel particularly calm. In fact, she could feel a panic attack hovering menacingly in the back of her mind.

"What's happening to me?" she whispered.

It could be post traumatic stress of some kind, she mused, but really it hadn't been all that traumatic. When shit had hit the fan with the Na'vi three weeks previously, she and the other Avatar drivers were taken into custody and put in holding cells. It was upsetting, sure, and more than a little uncomfortable, but it was more of an inconvenience than anything else. They were released as soon as the Corporal Sully and the Na'vi gained control of the station and, unlike the majority of humans at Hell's Gate, were invited to remain on Pandora.

Shawn hadn't needed to think twice—or at all, really—about staying. There was no way she could have left Pandora, even before the dreams. Now it was quite impossible. Less than a week after the humans left, she began to be plagued by the same dream every night. Shawn called it the Glowing Dream. Her nights were spent tossing restlessly in bed (or, lately, wandering the halls of Hell's Gate), trying desperately to reach the soft white light through the trees. Her waking hours were filled with an intense, indefinable longing that was eased only slightly by spending time in her avatar body.

Perhaps it was only the new restrictions placed on the inhabitants of Hell's Gate, Shawn concluded. It was just a strange manifestation of cabin fever. Before the Hallelujah Battle, as it had come to be called, she had spent nearly every day out in the forest, studying the wildlife of Pandora for her doctoral research.

At twenty one, she had been by far the youngest member of the scientific community at Hell's Gate when she arrived. Pandora was all she had ever wanted, and the combination of fabulously rich—and deceased—parents and work ethic born of borderline obsession had allowed her to attend college at the age of fifteen and get her master's degree in xenozoology by twenty. It had taken near perfect grades, glowing recommendations from the heads of three departments, and a hefty donation to get her into the avatar program for her doctorate.

Once she got to Pandora, however, Shawn promptly lost all interest in academic research. The moment she set foot in the jungle, she felt as if she had sold her soul...though to whom, and for what, she had no idea. Luckily, her adviser, Dr. Chanley, was so absorbed by his own research that he hardly ever seemed to remember not only that he was responsible for her academically but that she even existed. Thus Shawn was free to simply immerse herself in the forest. She could spend hours lying on her stomach watching the hexapedes graze or up a tree imitating the cries of the avians and lemurs. It was vital observation, she defended herself mentally. She just hadn't come up with a thesis yet.

She had been excited and intrigued when she found out about Tom Sully, who already had his doctorate at twenty two, and Norm Spellman, who didn't have any outstanding characteristics in Shawn's eyes beyond the fact that he was closer to twenty than thirty and-potentially-not an asshole. After Shawn, the next youngest member of the avatar team before the arrival of the new avatar drivers was Chase Blakely. Chase was twenty eight—old enough to feel superior but young enough to feel threatened by being on the same academic level as a girl barely out of her teens. He seized every possible opportunity to make her feel small and ignorant and took great pains to distance himself socially, often ignoring her presence completely as grownups ignore children while talking amongst themselves. Shawn found this attitude wildly irritating at best and downright demeaning at worst, but she tried to shake it off. When she heard that Tom and Norm were coming, she found herself hoping a little desperately that her loneliness might finally be alleviated.

But Tom died and his twin brother came instead and then _he_ somehow got himself tangled up with the Omaticaya and went off to the mountains with Dr. Augustine and Norm to avoid Selfridge and Quaritch and _then—_of all the rotten luck—got hitched to the chief's daughter and led the people in glorious rebellion, leaving Shawn with only creeps like Private Benson in her age bracket while he became a legendary hero and clan leader. A clan leader who, incidentally, put the entire population of Hell's Gate under house arrest until the clans felt more comfortable with a human presence on Pandora. Shawn understood the situation and grudgingly acknowledged that they needed to earn the right to venture back into Na'vi's home. Though she didn't like it, she truly did understand and even agreed with Corporal Sully's actions.

But still.

It was as if there was another presence sharing Shawn's mind and spirit. It was like a little gremlin in her head, clamoring for release into the forest. There was something out there that she needed as surely as she needed food and water—more so, even. More than one of her fellow avatar drivers had gone out of their way to comment on her lack of appetite and warn her that she needed to care for her human body as well as her avatar.

To that end, Shawn curled up under the thin blanket and tried to relax, but sleep eluded her. Now that she was awake, the Gremlin refused to let her rest. She imagined a prolemuris swinging through the branches of her mind, screeching and chattering. The tiny quarters, which she could usually convince herself to think of as cozy, suddenly seemed suffocating. Her breath came short and sweat broke out on her forehead and upper lip.

Before she realized what she was doing, Shawn found herself stumbling down the hallway toward the nearest exit. After passing through the labyrinthine corridors of the facility with feverish single-mindedness, she reached the portal only to be turned back by another soldier. Where was Private Benson, she wondered. How long had it been since she woke from her dream? Before turning reluctantly away from the portal, Shawn looked over the soldier's shoulder to see the sun just beginning to rise over the trees. Something inside her quailed. She wouldn't be able to link with her avatar for another three hours at least. How was she ever going to make it?

"You might try the Terra Dome," the soldier called after her as she walked unsteadily back down the hallway. "You know, if you're getting cabin fever. It helps a little."

She turned back and stared at him.

"You can see the sky," the soldier said a little defensively. "And the plants smell good. Fresh."

"Thank you," Shawn said fervently and hurried away, muttering.

"Weirdo," the soldier muttered behind her.

Shawn didn't care. He could call her whatever he wanted. She could have kissed him for the glimmer of hope that fluttered weakly in her chest. Perhaps he was right and it would provide enough relief the get her through the next few hours. After that—what would she do? What could she do? Something was obviously not right, but how could she possibly explain to a doctor? She hardly understood herself what she felt.

Shawn all but ran the last few steps to the Terra Dome that contained several gardens and greenhouses which provided the base with a limited amount of fresh produce. The sun's first rays slanted through the glass, illuminating the miniature orchards with a soft, purplish light. It was lovely, tranquil, magical…it was horrible. Far from providing relief, the Gremlin only shrieked furiously at the teasing glimpse of freedom. Shawn fell to her knees with a muffled whimper, hugging herself tightly.

"Why?" she whispered. "Why is this happening?"

Shawn curled up under an apple tree with her arms around her knees and sobbed in fear and frustration. Eventually she fell into a fitful half-doze from which she was awoken by a gentle hand shaking her shoulder. With a garbled cry, Shawn scrambled to her feet and scrubbed a hand over her face.

"Shawny, what on earth are you doing out here?"

"Dr. Patel!" Shawn exclaimed. "I—um—"

"Are you okay?" Dr. Patel asked, peering at her worriedly behind his glasses.

"I-I—" Shawn's lip trembled dangerously.

"You're obviously not okay," Dr. Patel said firmly. He reached up and plucked an apple from a lower branch. "Here. Now, why don't we sit down and you can tell me what's on your mind. We're worried about you, Shawny. You've been acting strangely ever since they took us out of confinement. Is that what this is about? You seemed to handle it well at the time—but sometimes these things can hit after the fact, you know?"

"It's not that," Shawn mumbled, turning the apple over in her hands as she sat beside him.

"Then what?" Max insisted gently. "I know I'm not your father or your brother or anything like that but I am your friend. Let me try to help."

"You're going to think I'm crazy," Shawn said miserably. "Hell, _I_ think I'm crazy."

"Maybe," Max said with a shrug. "But go ahead and try me. I promise not to put you in a straight jacket, even if you are crazy. You strike me as a docile, non-combative sort."

Shawn tried to produce a smile of appreciation for his attempt to cheer her up, but she had a feeling it wasn't very successful.

"Come on, squirt, talk to me," Max said, bumping her shoulder gently with his.

She tried, stumbling as she tried to find the right words to describe what she had been experiencing for the past few weeks. It would have been hard enough to explain without sleep deprivation. In her current condition, it took her quite some time to frame a coherent explanation for Max. When she was done, she peered worriedly at Max's face, afraid of what his reaction might be.

"I don't mean to trivialize what you're going through," Max said carefully. "But it sounds like maybe the stress is just catching up to you and messing with your head."

"Tell me something I don't know," Shawn said a little grumpily. "What do I _do _about it?"

"Well, what we can do right now is get you into your avatar so you can go outside and get some fresh air and exercise," Max said practically. "Later tonight we can set up an appointment with Dr. Mitchell."

"You _do_ think I'm crazy," Shawn said sadly.

"I do not think you're crazy," Max said firmly.

"You want me to see the shrink," Shawn pointed out.

"I want you to see a therapist to help you deal with an obviously stressful situation," Max corrected her. "That's why Dr. Mitchell is here—to help people handle situations like yours. The RDA, whatever it's failings, doesn't hire crazy people. Living on an alien planet lightyears from home is a lot for anyone to handle even without having been in a hostage situation."

"It wasn't exactly a hostage situation," Shawn said, ever a stickler for detail. "They just wanted us out of the way. It's not like the Na'vi would have paid ransom for the likes of us."

"Shawny, you're missing the point," Max sighed.

"No, I get it," Shawn assured him. "And maybe Dr. Mitchell will help. It's a better idea than any I've come up with, anyway."

"Alright then, we have a plan," Max said briskly. "Let's head to the lab, shall we?"

"Please," Shawn said fervently.

Shawn barely restrained herself to a walk as they made their way to the Avatar lab and all but leaped into her console. The need to link was so strong that she had some trouble attaining the calm, blank mental state which was vital to the linking process. A tear of relief trickled out of the corner of her eye when she finally opened them on the familiar wooden rafters of the Avatar bunker. None of the others were awake yet due to the early hour; they were probably just now sitting down to breakfast.

Shawn swung eagerly out of her bed and padded down the aisle, past the rows of empty avatars. She shivered a bit; it had always struck her as more than a little creepy how they were clearly empty, not merely sleeping. Shawn shook it off and grinned in anticipation as she hauled the doors open and stepped out into the light. She took a deep breath, reveling in the sweet freshness of the breeze, so different from the stale, recycled air inside the base.

With a whoop of joy, Shawn took off and dashed twice around the Avatar compound just for the joy of running, then began her daily training on the obstacle course and free-weights. After a while, though, the elation of being outside in her avatar body wore off and the Gremlin started grumbling again. She found herself staring intently into the forest as if looking for something, but she had no idea what that something might be.

She was glad when the other avatar drivers joined her. Some did their physical training while others worked in the gardens or prepared lunch for the day—normally people alternated training days and crafts days, but Shawn was too restless to limit herself to PT. Shawn joined those working in the gardens, hauling at the stubborn Pandoran weeds with gusto. After everyone finished their morning duties, they gathered together to share a mid-day meal of fruits and nuts harvested from the gardens.

Shawn usually quite enjoyed these meals—they were all physically more or less the same age in their avatar bodies, which made Shawn feel much more comfortable with the other scientists. Today, however, the mysterious Something in the forest distracted her from the food and conversation. She tried to pay attention to what Joanne, an ecologist, was saying about the possibilities for making the base more eco-friendly and integrated into the Pandoran system, but couldn't seem to manage it.

"And then we can all put on sombreros and dance naked under the Tree of Souls," Joanne finished.

"Mm," Shawn agreed. "That's really—what?"

"That's what I thought," Joanne said with a slightly exasperated smile. "Shawny, have you actually taken in a word of what I've been saying?"

"Yeah, you were talking about, you know, the ecological ramifications of…um…" Shawn trailed off and sighed, rubbing her face vigorously with her hands. "I'm sorry I'm kind of spacey today—I didn't sleep too well last night."

"It's not just kind of and it's not just today," Joanne said with a frown. "What's up, squirt? You've been acting like a zombie for weeks now."

"It's kind of hard to explain," Shawn sighed. "I talked with Dr. Patel about it this morning and he thinks it's probably just stress. I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Mitchell tonight."

"Well, as long as you're taking care of it," Joanne said dubiously. "You know you can talk to any of us if you need to."

"I know that," Shawn assured her.

"Good," Joanne said briskly. "Now, let's get a game going. How about basketball? That will take your mind off it, whatever it is."

Shawn grimaced. Basketball was definitely not her favorite activity. She hated the shuffling, cramped style of movement required and the tight quarters. She preferred soccer or flag football or even baseball, where she could stretch her legs and really run (when she actually managed to hit the ball, of course). The fact that she was always the smallest player on the court didn't improve matters, of course. Or the fact that she was an absolutely hopeless shot. She wasn't much of a dribbler, either. Or a defender. In fact, the most Shawn could be trusted to do in a basketball game was to get rid of the ball like a hot potato on the off-chance it came to her. Most of the time it went back to her own team…well, perhaps half of the time, Shawn amended in her head. With a sigh, Shawn resigned herself to at least an hour of tense, anxious misery. Joanne was right, however—it would certainly distract her at least for a while.

Shawn followed Joanne and a group of other avatars far more enthusiastic than she to the basketball courts. Joanne took pity on her and assigned her to mark Dr. Goodwin, a geologist and the only one in the avatar program—probably on the entire base—with less aptitude for basketball than Shawn. Shawn suspected that the only reason Patricia played was because she had an intense, somewhat desperate crush on Dr. Sanders, who was also being pursued by a xenolinguist. The discovery of this awkward little love triangle had been something of a shock to Shawn, who had long held the mistaken belief that girl drama didn't exist in the adult world.

Shawn tried her best not to be too much of a burden to her team, but she was distracted, ironically, not by the Gremlin but by the soulful and somewhat disturbing cow-eyes Dr. Goodwin kept making at Dr. Sanders...until, however, she caught sight of the guard tower and the Gremlin brought all other thought processes to a screeching halt. It suddenly occurred to her that it would be a fairly simple matter to rappel down the outside of the tower—there was rappelling equipment more or less readily available on the base. It would be a bit of a drop once one hit the electric fencing, but it wasn't anything Na'vi bones couldn't take. The fences were built to keep Pandora out rather than to keep people in, after all.

Shawn shook her head briskly, wondering why she was thinking such things. The thought of running away from the base was absurd—and pointless. What would that accomplish? It wasn't as if she could continue on with her research, even if she wasn't immediately hauled back and thrown in a containment cell. It was just a stray thought, Shawn assured herself. It didn't mean anything. Really.

"Shawny, watch out!"

Shawn yelped as the basketball smacked the side of her head hard enough to make her eyes water. Face burning with embarrassment, she retrieved the basket ball and held it awkwardly, unsure of what to do. The others were all staring at her, some with concern and others with barely concealed amusement.

"Sorry," Shawn muttered. "I guess I don't feel much like playing today."

She thought Joanne might protest, but the older woman merely frowned as Shawn beat a hasty retreat. She returned to the gardens, taking comfort from the smell of fresh earth and plant life. After she had ousted all the weeds she could find, Shawn simply stretched out on her stomach and laid her cheek on the soft, cool soil. She was still lying there, letting the soil run through her fingers, when she heard quiet footsteps behind her. Her ear twitched toward the sound and she frowned. The steps were much too light to be an avatar's.

"It's Shawn, right? Shawn Cooper?"

"Right," Shawn said, turning over and sitting up. "You can call me Shawny-everyone does. It sounds more like a girl's name, I guess."

"Shawny, then," the newcomer said, smiling behind his exopack. "I'm—"

"Norm Spellman," Shawn said with a slight smile. "We've met."

"Oh," Norm said, looking flustered. "I'm sorry, I—"

"It's okay," she assured him. "You weren't around that long before you left with Dr. Augustine."

"Still, you'd think we'd have met—er, met again—since I've been back," Norm pointed out.

"I don't get out much when I'm in the other—when I'm not linked," Shawn said awkwardly, and hesitated. "I…I heard about your avatar. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Norm said earnestly. "It could have been so much worse. There was some pretty substantial damage but Max says it could be ready in another month if its condition keeps progressing the way it has been."

"It can heal by itself?" Shawn asked curiously. "I mean, without you in it?"

"Sure," Norm said with a shrug. "It's the same as any body—the conscious mind has almost nothing to do with it. I'll have to go through some pretty intense physical therapy once I'm back in the driver's seat, though."

"You must be relieved," Shawn commented, shuddering at the thought of never breathing Pandoran air again.

Norm grinned. "You bet—but I actually wanted to talk about you."

"About me?" Shawn blinked in surprise. "Why?"

"Max told me about the, ah…the problems you've been having," Norm said. "Don't be mad—he's just worried about you. He told me about it because he thought talking to someone closer to your own age might help." Norm grinned. "Or he might be trying to set us up. I haven't exactly been sunshine and smiles lately, either."

"I don't think talking is going to help," Shawn said helplessly. "I'm going to make an appointment with Dr. Mitchell, but it's really only so Dr. Patel will stop worrying."

"I understand," Norm said. "I don't think talking will help, either. But let me ask you something…if you were free to do anything at all, what would you do?"

"What-"

"Don't think about it," Norm urged. "Just spit it out—no matter how crazy it sounds."

Several moments passed while Shawn nervously chewed on her bottom lip and Norm watched her expectantly

"I'd leave," Shawn finally blurted, taking his advice. "And find...something."

"Find what?"

"I don't know!" Shawn cried in frustration. "It's like there's something I need to do, but I don't know what. Or like something—someone's…I don't know, calling me. I don't—all I know is that I need to be out there—not here."

"Maybe someone _is_ calling you," Norm said seriously.

"Who? Eywa?" Shawn said with a snort. When Norm only looked at her, she frowned. "You're serious."

"What do you know about the Hallelujah Battle?" Norm asked.

Shawn shrugged, not sure where he was going with his line of questioning. "I was in a holding cell during the battle and afterward—the dream started. I wasn't really thinking about anything else. Anyway, we won. What does the battle have to do with anything?"

"We were losing," Norm said. "I mean, we were doing well, considering, but I'm not sure even Jake really believed we could pull it off. He didn't seem all that surprised that we were getting our asses handed to us, anyway. But then—everything changed. Neytiri says that Jake asked Eywa for help…and Eywa answered. I believe her. It sounds crazy, I know. But there were herds of titanotheres stampeding in from all directions—viperwolves and banshees and even thanators attacking SecOps and completely ignoring everything else—including me, after my avatar was killed. Explaining away that kind of a concerted effort as coincidence is even more ridiculous than attributing it to a sentient biosphere. Shawny… this planet is—different. Alive. If it's trying to tell you something, you should listen."

"But that's just…" Shawn groped for words. "Okay, let's pretend for a minute you're right and I'm being called by Eywa. What then? No one—our people or Na'vi—is going to let me just waltz into the forest. Even if they did, I wouldn't know what to do once I left."

"Maybe the Na'vi would know what to do," Norm suggested.

"Do you really think the Na'vi would believe that one of us is being called by Eywa?" Shawn asked. She meant to sound skeptical, but even she could detect a faint note of wistfulness in the question.

"Jake was," Norm reminded her. "They acknowledge that."

"They also left him tied to a tree and only took him back when he showed up on a Great Leonopterix," Shawn pointed out dryly. "Somehow I don't think I can top that."

"Look, I know it seems like a long shot, but you'll never know if you don't try," Norm argued. "I can get in touch with Jake and have him ask Mo'at—the Tsahik. Even if they don't give you a free pass into the forest, Mo'at might at least be able to provide some insight."

Although the Gremlin squealed and yammered with glee at the idea, the rest of Shawn shrank back at the thought of treating Eywa as an actual being rather than a quaint native concept.

"I—Norm, thanks for your concern, but I just can't…I mean, come on. Eywa?" Shawn ran a hand through her hair in agitation. "I'm going to see Dr. Mitchell tonight. I'm sure it's just stress—he'll be able to give me a sedative or antidepressant or…something."

"Something that doesn't have anything to do with mystic native mumbo-jumbo?" Norm asked with a smile. When Shawn blushed and started to protest, he laughed. "I get it, Shawny—really. I know it's a lot to swallow. Go to Dr. Mitchell and see what he can do for you. If it works out, great. If not…well, just think about what I said, okay?"

"Okay," Shawn replied, relieved that he was willing to let it go.

"And I'll be around if you do want to talk—not necessarily about this. I wouldn't mind hanging out with someone my own age for once," he said with a warm smile.

"Chase Blakely is closer to your age than I am," Shawn pointed out.

Norm snorted. "Blakely is also a pompous asshole with delusions of intellectual grandeur. I can't stand that guy."

"I know! Sometimes I fantasize about 'accidentally' nailing him in the head when we play ball. I could totally get away with it—everyone knows I suck at baseball."

"So why don't you?" Norm inquired.

"I suck at baseball," Shawn replied ruefully.

Norm threw his head back and laughed, drawing an answering giggle from Shawn.

"Well, maybe you'll get lucky and actually hit him by accident," Norm said, still chuckling.

"_Dum spiro, spero_," Shawny replied drily.

"Latin, huh? A lady of many talents," Norm commented.

"Only bits and pieces," Shawn said with a shrug. "I took a couple of classics courses for some undergrad distribution requirements."

"Gotta love those distribution requirements," Norm said, rolling his eyes. "I had to take this Women's Studies course once…"

Norm settled himself next to her on the ground and the two talked for a long while on a variety of subjects, occasionally returning to their cheerful abuse of Chase Blakely's character and intelligence. When the avatars were called back to the bunker for the night, Shawn was astounded at how much time had passed and how easily Norm kept her attention away from the Gremlin. Maybe she did just need someone her own age to talk to, she reflected hopefully as she blushingly agreed to meet up with Norm again in her human body. He gave her a slightly goofy smile that lit up his long face and made his plain features suddenly charming. But as she made her way to the bunker, her eyes dragged themselves seemingly of their own accord back to the forest.

"Leave me alone," Shawn whispered, her eyes filling with tears. "Just leave me alone."

There was no answer but the wind blowing gently through the trees. Shawn shivered, suddenly feeling as if her plea had indeed been answered… and it didn't feel like acquiescence. Shawn turned her back on the forest and hurried away with her shoulders hunched defensively. Behind her, the trees continued to sway patiently in the breeze.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Keep them coming! I have all but the last chapter written, so how quickly I update depends on how many reviews I get.

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"You're going to eat that, right?" Norm asked pointedly a month later.

"Of course I am," Shawn said, trying to sound indignant when in reality she had been trying to think of an excuse that Norm would buy.

"Shawny, please tell me you're eating when I'm not around to make you," Norm said with a frown. "You're starting to scare me. I feel like I'm going to break you in half every time I touch you."

"You worry too much," she said with a smile, poking unenthusiastically at the synthetic Soy Something-Or-Other that was supposed to be her dinner.

"Maybe," Norm conceded. "But in this particular case I have this awful feeling I'm not worrying enough."

"I'm fine Norm," she said uncomfortably. "It's just not particularly appetizing."

"Eat it anyway," Norm insisted. "Here, put some hot sauce on it."

Shawny sighed and took a bite of the now-spicy soy concoction. Far from making it more tempting, the hot sauce merely burned her mouth and made her stomach clench in a way that Shawn was sure couldn't mean anything good. For Norm's sake, however, she managed a fairly credible attempt at a smile and placed another forkful of the horrible stuff in her mouth. Norm smiled back encouragingly and shoveled his own mystery product into his mouth with every indication of enjoyment.

Norm meant well, Shawn reminded herself. And he _had _been a great help in keeping the Gremlin under control—at least for the first week or two. After the first flush of infatuation—with him or with his infatuation for her, Shawn felt guiltily unsure—faded, the Gremlin elbowed its way back to the forefront of her brain once more. That first night, waking up with Norm's arms securely around her had made Shawn feel more safe and blissfully peaceful than anything she had ever experienced. Of late, however, it had begun to feel like just another cage.

"I can't eat this," Shawn said, giving up and pushing her tray away. "I'll have a protein bar or something before bed."

"Have a bar now," Norm suggested. "And another before bed."

"I'm not hungry," Shawny said, shaking her head.

"Shawny-"

"I said I'm not hungry, Norm!" Shawn snapped, throwing off the hand Norm placed on her arm. "God, just lay off!"

Norm recoiled from her outburst, looking like he'd been slapped. The others at the table went abruptly silent. Shawn clumsily rose from the table. She could feel the blood rush to her face and her heart start to pound. The need to flee the staring faces was intense.

"I'm just trying to help," Norm said softly.

"I don't need your help," she muttered, grabbed her tray, and turned her back on him.

As soon as Shawn was out of the mess hall, she broke into a run for the observation deck. At least there she could see the sky. She hadn't gone more than the length of the hallway, however, before her legs gave out and she slumped against the wall, gasping, her heart beating a crazy tattoo against her chest, her head swimming .

I'm dying, she thought, feeling oddly relieved. That didn't seem quite right, she thought in a corner of her mind that wasn't protesting the lack of oxygen. Surely that isn't the appropriate reaction to one's imminent demise. No, it isn't right, another corner answered. Nothing about this is right. What are you going to do about it?

What _am_ I going to do about it? She wondered as, at last, her heart slowed and her breathing steadied. What can I do about it? Don't think, the other part of her argued. Just do it. Do what? She argued back. Back where? Who was arguing—and with whom? Shawn sighed, giving it up as a bad job. She needed to lie down.

Dimly she heard footsteps approaching and tried to look as if she were merely sitting down because she was dejected and depressed rather than recovering from a near fatal incident. The footsteps stopped and her hands were enveloped in warmth. She looked up, hoping that the expression on her face looked like contrition rather than Death.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you," she said softly. "It's just-"

"It's okay," Norm said, squeezing her hands. "I don't mean to smother you—I'm just worried. I'll back off, I promise."

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "I do know what I'm doing, Norm."

Norm, bless him, swallowed this big fat lie and contented himself with walking her back to her quarters. Although Shawn could tell he wanted to linger, she firmly turned him away and collapsed onto her bunk. She lay there for some time before sleep claimed her, dreading what she knew would come as much as she yearned for it. She was not disappointed. The dream was stronger than ever, an insistent drag on her consciousness.

"Wait," she whispered, reaching for the light.

That time is over, something inside told her firmly. You've waited long enough. I'm coming, Shawn thought, desperately trying to reach her goal. Just wait—I'm coming—Shawn stretched out her hands and lunged forward...and her hands met metal with an uncomfortable cracking of knuckles as she jerked into wakefulness. Shawn rubbed her hands absently as she looked around. She was standing outside the linkroom.

Moving as if she were still sleepwalking, Shawn raised her hand and pressed it against the access panel. Funny, she thought, you'd think there would be more security. But then, only avatar drivers and senior lab personnel were allowed access and they were all assumed to be trustworthy. Certainly they were all too invested in the work to risk any funny business. Till now, it seemed.

Shawn drifted to her link console and powered it up as she had done a thousand times before, but this time was different—it could be her last. God only knew what she would face when she had to come out of the link, but a future as an avatar driver was unlikely to be on the menu. Don't think about that, the little voice in the corner said firmly. Just do it.

I'm doing it, she thought grimly. Doing something, anyway. She fell through the familiar tunnel of light and snapped into wakefulness. She lay still for a moment while the enormity of what she was doing washed over her. What exactly, she was doing, she still didn't know for sure, but she was beginning to have an inkling and she wasn't altogether sure she liked it.

"Oh, my God," she whimpered. "What am I doing? Shit...what the hell am I doing?"

Mumbling variations on this theme over and over to herself, she stumbled out of her bunk and knocked someone's head with her foot as she dropped to the floor. Whatever, the voice in the corner said callously. It's not like she's going to wake up. Still moving as if she were the avatar and someone else was driving, Shawn crossed to the opposite side of the bunker and scrambled through the window. Someone was sure to notice the huge barn doors opening, she acknowledged dimly. Sensible.

Crouched in the shadows, she swiveled her head gently from side to side and listened intently for the sound of heavy combat boots and the wheeze of exopacks. Once she—or whoever was running the show—was sure it was safe, she slipped through the field of crops, making for the watch tower. Was anyone actually watching from the watch tower? Very probably not—the base was shorthanded after giving the RDA and their rabid dogs "the Big Toe," as a rather eccentric uncle of Shawn's used to say. Would there be rappelling equipment? Again, probably not. Oh well, the voice in the corner sighed. You can't have everything. Easy for you to say, Shawn retorted furiously. I'm the one who has to get down the other side. Don't be stupid, the voice in the corner chided. I _am_ you.

"At least I can plead insanity in good faith," Shawn muttered to herself, stifling a hysterical giggle as she cracked open the watchtower door.

Stealthily, she flowed up the stairs like a cat, listening for any sign of human occupation. To her relief, she heard nothing. She didn't know what she would have done if there had been a guard. Tied him up? Killed him? Thrown him out the window? At least she could safely rule that last one out—much too noisy. At the top, Shawn cast around for something with which to lower herself from the deck and found a rope coiled neatly among other generically useful items that didn't seem to have any immediate purpose._ Semper paratus_, the voice in the corner crowed gleefully. Gotta love those marines. That's Boy Scouts, Shawn corrected herself snidely, and set about finding something to use as an anchor.

"This isn't happening," Shawn assured herself as she lowered herself over the edge with her feet braced against the side of the guard tower. "I'm hallucinating and this isn't real."

Whatever helps you sleep at night, the voice in the corner sneered. Just go.

With a deep breath, Shawn transferred her grip to the rope and lowered herself slowly down the tower, wincing as the thin rope slid through her grip and burned her hands. Trying for a happy medium between going slowly enough that the rope didn't burn too much and fast enough that she could get far enough to jump before the strength in her hands gave out, Shawn wondered what a patrolman would think if he were to witness such an inexplicable act of stupidity. Doesn't matter, the voice in the corner said. Keep going.

Some time later, she lay wheezing on the ground, distantly wondering if her assumption that Navi bones could handle the drop had been faulty. Slowly, she moved her limbs, relieved to find that nothing seemed to be broken. But oh, man, did it hurt. Biting her lip, she pushed herself to her feet and wobbled into the forest. Unfortunately, it was impossible to favor any one limb since her entire body felt like—well, like she had fallen fifty feet and landed on hard, unforgiving packed earth.

In a haze of pain, Shawn moved through the forest as quickly and quietly as she could. The part of her that didn't seem to be in control noted disinterestedly that she was moving oddly purposefully and in a straight line. Which was curious, since she had no idea what she was doing out here in the first place. Not that it mattered, of course, since she could apparently do nothing about it.

She was several miles from Hell's Gate when she began to notice the soft luminescence emanating from the plants around her. It hadn't been present in the forest immediately surrounding Hell's Gate, she was sure. As she went on, the light grew stronger and more distinct. Perhaps the all the machinery around the compound had somehow damaged the plant life? Or perhaps it was a defense mechanism, like the wildlife going quiet when danger approached, that distant part of her mused. Whatever the cause, she was sorry for it. Surely knowing such beauty existed on Pandora would have made some difference even in soulless bloodsuckers like Selfridge.

Shawn traveled well into the pre-dawn hours, pulled by the same force that had haunted her dreams. It seemed that the long weeks of obsessive physical training to keep the Gremlin at bay were finally being put to good use. Eventually, however, even her superbly conditioned avatar body failed her and she could go no further. She lay beneath some ferns, panting in the gloom of the pre-dawn forest. I'll just rest for a few minutes, she thought as she closed her eyes. Just a little while...No! Shawn struggled to hold onto her link. If she fell asleep, she would end up in her link console faced with some very angry scientists and some very uncomfortable questions to answer.

Shawn struggled with herself for some time, insensible to her surroundings. She finally mastered herself and opened her eyes to a sight that, were she in anything approaching a normal state of mind, would have induced heart failure and killed her then and there. A thanator—a young female, she thought dimly—peered at her curiously under the ferns. Wincing, she crawled out from her shelter and returned its scrutiny calmly. She put a hand out, remarkably unconcerned by the possibility of dismemberment and death, and was allowed to lay it on the thanator's snout. The female huffed in what could only be described as amusement and knelt so that Shawn could climb onto her back. Without thinking, she connected her queue to the thanator's antenna-like appendage and gasped in wonder. It was the first time she had ever made tsaheylu.

Through the link, Shawn knew that the young female's mate carried a two-legger on occasion. The thanator would see for herself what the attraction was. Or she might eat the two legger; she hadn't quite decided yet. To steer her mount away from this line of thinking, Shawn produced an image from her Glowing Dream and the unlikely pair set off at a terrifying speed through the forest. No doubt when it was over Shawn would be free to remember all this and indulge in a well-deserved nervous breakdown—but not now.

The thanator carried her through the day and into dusk. Shawn desperately wished she would stop so that she could rest her trembling legs and find some water to ease the dry ache in her throat. The avatar had gone more than eighteen hours with nothing to eat or drink and little sleep, all the while under heavy physical exertion. Her mind drifted, limiting its activity to what was strictly necessary to keep her on the thanator's back; she became aware of alarmed cries more through the thanator's agitation than her own senses. When the thanator stopped abruptly, however, sending her tumbling to the ground, she sensed that just fine. With a roar, the thanator wheeled around and plunged into the forest, leaving her alone and wheezing on the ground yet again.

Hands pulled her to her feet, asking her urgent questions that she didn't completely understand. Her Na'vi was certainly a little rusty, to say the least. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear her vision, and focused on a sight as familiar—rather more familiar—to her than her own reflection. With a desperate, inarticulate cry, she pushed through the small crowd gathered around her and raced toward the light. She could hear the angry shouts behind her and used the last of her strength to beat them to her goal—whatever it was. She burst into a clearing and sprinted for the huge, glowing, willow-like tree, knocking over several startled bystanders in her haste. Finally, she threw herself down at the base of the tree and sighed as the tendrils of her queue embraced those of the tree. Now it was done, and she could rest.

Or so she thought. Instead of oblivion, it was a thousand voices that enveloped her consciousness. She felt as if she were in a vast space, empty but for the voices crowding her ears—her mind? It was overwhelming—terrifying. Eventually the voices faded to the background until only one was left. It was dimly familiar.

"Dr. Augustine?" she asked incredulously.

"In the flesh, sort of," she answered with a sardonic laugh. "You're Cooper, aren't you? The squirt."

"Yeah," Shawn replied, and would have rolled her eyes if she had corporeal form. "What's happening?"

"You're with Eywa," Dr. Augustine informed her. "Yes, she is quite real."

"Does that mean I'm-"

"Dead? No—or not really, I should say," Dr. Augustine said, sounding unconcerned by this qualification. "I expect your human body will die of the strain. Your brain can't handle a three-point link at this point. You obviously haven't been taking care of your other body properly."

"And the avatar...?"

"Will probably be fine," Grace assured her. "Provided you can pass back through the eye of Eywa to find it again."

"How do I know I'm not dreaming?" Shawn demanded. "How do I know you're real?"

"You can't," Dr. Augustine said simply, and Shawn could practically hear a shrug in her voice. "You'll just have to have a little faith—you're going to need it, from what I understand. You should go back now. They're waiting for you."

"How?" Shawn asked desperately as Dr. Augustine's presence started to fade. "Don't go—how do I get back?"

"Follow your heart," Dr. Augustine told her in a faraway voice. Upon Shawn's protest at this unhelpful cliche, her voice became clearer and she snapped, "No, I mean literally. Listen for your heartbeat. Geez."

Shawn tried to do as she asked and wandered for some time through the darkness. Once or twice she was waylaid by curious spirits who, until Dr. Augustine, had never encountered one of the Sky People so deep within Eywa. She didn't know how long she wandered until she came across one who felt different—more solid.

"Come, child," the spirit said. "Come with me, and I will guide you back."

"Who are you?" Shawn asked warily.

"I am called Mo'at," the spirit replied. "Tsahik of the Omaticaya."

"Oh, good," Shawn said, mildly surprised. "Norm said I should talk to you. "

"Come," Mo'at repeated. "Normspellman was correct—we have much to talk about."

"Alright," Shawn said equably, and followed.

"Come," Mo'at urged when Shawn began to flag.

"It's hard," Shawn said in surprise. It was like moving through pudding. "What's happening?"

"Listen for your heart beat," Mo'at counseled her. "Make the link."

"Like tsaheylu?" Shawn asked.

"Yes, precisely," Mo'at replied, sounding pleased. "Reconnect your spirit and your body."

"I can do that," Shawn said firmly, and opened her eyes with effort. They felt as if they had been glued shut. Through the blur, she thought she saw fairy lights floating away from her. After a few tries, she croaked, "Water. _Pay. Rutxe._"

A flask was pressed gently to her lips and she gulped as much as she was able without choking. She tried to steady it herself, but found she was too weak even to raise a hand. When the flask was pulled away, she made a small, pathetic sound of protest.

"Too much will harm you," Mo'at said firmly. "You are very weak, child."

"How—how long?" Shawn coughed.

"Three nights," Mo'at replied. "How are you called, Dream Child?"

"Shawny," she sighed, too tired to bother with her full name.

"Sha'ni," Mo'at repeated. "You are welcome here. You are chosen—for what, I do not know. Rest now. I must think."

"Mm," Shawny agreed, drifting into true sleep for the first time in what seemed like an eternity.

When she awoke, it was to several faces hovering above hers, looking her over curiously. She recognized two of them as Jake Sully and Neytiri. With their help, she struggled to a seated position and accepted a small bowl of some kind of broth, which she drank greedily. She held out the empty bowl hopefully, and sighed when Neytiri shook her head.

"Soon," Neytiri assured her with a pat on the hand. "Not yet. Nìk'ong. Slowly always. We give water through the skin while you sleep, to stop your burning. You are lucky to live, Sha'ni."

Well, that was news. Shawn looked down and realized that her body was indeed covered in wet cloths. She'd had a fever, then. Dimly she recalled that fever was one of the signs of severe dehydration.

"So," Jake said, settling next to her. "Norm Spellman contacted me a couple of days ago in tears asking if I could keep an eye out for a dead avatar. It seems his girlfriend ran off in the night and died while in link."

"I know," Shawn nodded. "I know I'm dead, I mean. Sort of. Dr. Augustine—Dr. Augustine..."

"You spoke with Grace?" Neytiri asked, grasping her hand.

"Was it real?" Shawn asked, frowning. "It seemed to be at the time, but now..."

"She dream," one of the bystanders said dismissively. "She tawtute—not Tsahik, to speak with spirits."

Neytiri whirled and snapped something at him, sending the whole lot scurrying away.

"Tell me," Neytiri urged.

"She said my brain couldn't handle a three-point link, and that my human body would die," Shawn said. "But how am I here if I died? When humans die, the avatar is...empty."

"The will of Eywa," Jake said with a shrug. "Don't dwell on it—it will only give you a headache."

"But—but that means..." Shawn's eyes widened. "What the hell do I do now?"

"That is the question, isn't it?" Jake said cryptically. "Tsahik will want to talk to you. I'll go get her."

"What did he mean?" Shawn asked Neytiri. "What's going to happen to me?"

Neytiri looked troubled. "Before I met my Jake, I would not have believed. Such a thing...but now, perhaps..."

"What are you saying?"

"You have done a...a miracle," Neytiri told her. "You have not passed, only, through the eye of Eywa, but journeyed to the heart. I will do this thing, but not yet...only when I am ready to be accepted by Eywa as Tsahik."

"You mean..."

"I do not know," Neytiri said hastily. "Sa'nok and other clan Tsahiks will decide."

"Well, Norm did say Eywa was calling me," Shawn said, attempting to smile.

"Why would Normspellman say this?" Neytiri asked, puzzled.

Shawn briefly explained what had led her to take such drastic action, hesitating when Neytiri's eyes went wide in her lovely face. When she finished, Neytiri rocked back on her heels and gazed at her intently.

"Sa'nok must know this," she said. "You must tell her all. All, and more. You understand?"

"Yes," Shawn meekly. "But—Neytiri, I can't be...it's ridiculous. I never even-"

"You must follow whatever path Eywa lays before you," Neytiri said kindly.

"And if my path is not...you know?" Shawn asked fearfully.

"You will stay, and become one with the People," Neytiri said, surprised at the question. "You do not belong with the Sky People; this is clear."

"But...I never..."

"That place is not for you," Neytiri said firmly. "Your tawtute body is dead, Sha'ni. What is there for you?"

"Norm..."

"Ah," Neytiri said, her tone softening. "Normspellman was your mate."

"No, no," Shawny said hastily. "Not exactly. We were...he is a very good friend."

"He was very sad," Neytiri said. "He will be happy that you live...but sad, again, because you will not return. I sorrow for his pain."

"I didn't mean to cause so many problems," Shawny said helplessly. "I never wanted to hurt him. I just..."

"No one can fight Eywa's will, once it is known. Put it from your mind," Neytiri advised. "You are Na'vi now. It is new, and different. I know this. But I see already that you love the forest. In time, you will love us also. All will be well, Sha'ni."

Unable to speak, Shawn nodded and looked at the ground. Neytiri patted her shoulder comfortingly and went to get her more water. Shawn lay back and waited for Mo'at, trying to make sense of tangled thoughts and feelings. Now she longed for the shroud that had deadened her thoughts on her flight from Hell's Gate. She had acted without thought for the future or even the present. She wished she could have that back. She didn't know what to think or how to feel about any of it. At least the Gremlin was gone, she thought, and realized that this made her feel much better.

Tsahik came to her together with Neytiri, bringing water and this time a sweet juice. Shawn drank both-slowly-and wearily recounted her story again for Tsahik. She had a feeling she would be telling it repeatedly until her fate was decided. Tsahik listened gravely and without interruption, waiting until Shawn was finished until she asked her questions. Shawn answered them as best she could, unsure of what Tsahik wanted from her. What did her menstrual cycle, for instance, have to do with anything? Especially since Na'vi females didn't menstruate—how did Mo'at even know about that, anyway?

"I will gather the other Tsahiks, and we will try to determine the correct path," Mo'at said. "Do not fear, Sha'ni. You belong with us, no matter what the Circle decides. Rest now."

While ordinarily she might have protested having to remain lying down, the thought of leaving her little sanctuary and going out among the people stilled her tongue. Perhaps a little more rest was in order. As it turned out, she needn't have bothered. The People were too curious to let her hide. She met many of her new clan mates that day, including Ninat and Peyral, two of Neytiri's friends. Ninat was very sweet, but Shawn found Peyral to be slightly intimidating.

Among those who came to meet her was a man named Rai'uk. He was a powerful looking Na'vi male in his prime, covered with scars and an air of controlled violence that made Shawn shiver. She only found out his name later, from Ninat, because he never introduced himself. He just stared at her expressionlessly for several minutes while she stared back, at a loss, and then left. Ninat said that he was the only one, aside from Shawn—and, apparently, Neytiri-who was known to have ridden a thanator. He was the only one anyone knew of to do it more than once. The thanator was the totem of his clan, Ninat told her, so it was perhaps understandable. At least, that's what Shawn thought she said. She truly regretted not taking her language courses more seriously. Her blithe rationale-that Pandoran wildlife didn't speak Na'vi—was starting to seem more juvenile by the minute.

So he was the one, Shawn thought curiously, watching him move through the camp like a restless tiger. Well, if anyone could, it'd be him. Although he was certainly impressive, Shawn rather hoped she wouldn't bump into him anytime soon. There was an argument for staying in bed if she ever heard one.

But, alas, this was not to be, for the next morning Ninat came for her, informing her that she was to start learning the ways of the People. Because she was still recovering, they merely drifted from hearth to hearth, meeting new people and letting Shawn practice her Na'vi. Thus did Shawn learn that the Omaticaya and some other clans with depleted numbers were based at the Tree of Souls until they could find new homes. Some would join the Omaticaya or Tipani, and the others would perhaps join together to make a new clan. It was rumored that those who wished to would band together under Rai'uk, the last of the Anurai clan. Further probing revealed that the scary man had quite a history complete with murder, darkness, redemption, and even an epic quest and an arch nemesis.

More fascinating to Shawn was the freedom and eloquence with which her new acquaintances regaled her with tales of his exploits. Clearly they thought nothing of laying out a person's history for all to see. The tale was admittedly thrilling, and told with the skill of born storytellers. Which they were, Shawn reflected. Theirs was an oral history. No doubt Jake Sully would become a mythical, god-like hero in time—if he wasn't already.

In return, she found herself telling her story yet again, as she had predicted. Her audience listened eagerly to her halted speech as she tried to describe what had happened to her and confessed her apprehension for the future. At this, many hands reached out to pat her face and shoulders as the People assured her that Eywa had led her to them for a reason. What that reason was, no one could say just yet, but surely it would not lead her to a poor end. It did seem like an awful lot of trouble to go through just to screw with one of the aliens, Shawn acknowledged privately. Of course, that meant that she might actually have been called here to become a Tsahik, a thought which was as ridiculous as it was terrifying.

The most nerve-wracking thing about it was the waiting, Shawn decided. Tsahiks from other clans were still trickling in several days after she got out of bed, and no one seemed to be able to give her even a rough estimate on how long this council might take. Neytiri and Jake and indeed most of the hunters of the clans were out searching for a new home, leaving only a few behind to protect the children and elders. Shawn was glad that Ninat stayed as well. It was to help her, Ninat said, but Shawn wondered if there was perhaps something more. Every once in a while, Ninat seemed to withdraw into herself, staring at nothing with blank eyes. She always snapped out of it fairly quickly, returning to her usual, cheerful self, but it only made the contrast more striking.

Shawn finally found out what it was from a group of nursing mothers gathered around a campfire. Shawn was fidgeting somewhat uncomfortably in the presence of several suckling babies and looking for a topic of conversation that didn't involve milk, or nappies, or placenta...Shawn was really quite uneasy with the subject of Babies. Which she didn't think was so unreasonable, considering how open the Na'vi seemed to be about placenta and the ritual eating thereof.

Shawn was gazing thoughtfully after Ninat as she left on some errand or other, trying to ignore the rather graphic discussion being conducted by the other women. One of them followed her gaze and leaned forward, eager to share gossip. Shawn felt a brief twinge of guilt at the thought of talking behind her friend's back, but, as far as she could tell, an individual's business seemed to be public domain.

"Ninat is very brave," the woman told her. "But very sad."

"I have seen this," Shawny replied. "But not the...the why for her sadness."

"Ninat lost her her family," the woman said sadly. "Her mother and sisters died in the destruction of Hometree, and her father in battle. She bears her pain with rare courage."

"I sorrow for her," Shawn said softly, wondering if she was a bad person for being glad that she hadn't known her parents well.

"You are brave too," the woman—Titxantslusam, that was her name—added. "You must miss your family a great deal."

"I have no family. Mother and father died—I very young," Shawn said, still struggling slightly with the language even after being totally immersed for several days. "I do not have many memories."

"This is very sad," Titxantslusam said, patting her hand.

"More sad for Ninat," Shawn disagreed.

"What do you remember about your family? They should not be forgotten."

"I remember Mother's name is like your name," Shawn said, smiling at the other woman's surprise. "Sophie. It mean wisdom."

"So'fi," Titxantslusam said slowly. "Sha'nikupe te Uniltu So'fi'ite."

Shawn smiled and blinked, fighting the lump that suddenly lodged itself in her throat. "Thank you, my sister, for my name."

"It is a good name," Titxantslusam replied, looking pleased with herself.

Shawn's smile steadied. It _was_ a good name: Shawny Cooper the Dreamer, Daughter of Sophie.

"Now I have both Mother and Father names," Shawny said.

"You did not before?" her new friend asked curiously. "How do people know who your family is, then?"

"Most Sky People have only Father's name," Shawn explained. "Father's family name."

"Family name? All the men are named Kupe?"

"No, no," Shawn said, shaking her head. "Father name is John Cooper, so my name is Shawny Cooper. Other child is Tsmuk Cooper. You see?"

"That seems confusing," another woman commented, and Shawn realized that the others had fallen silent to listen to their conversation.

"Not so confusing," another said, smiling in understanding. "So Zheyksuli's father would be Sempul Suli."

"Srane," Shawn said, nodding enthusiastically.

"Abe Suli, actually," a dry voice said.

The women all looked up in surprise before dissolving into nervous chatter. It sounded like nothing so much as a flock of hens, Shawn thought with amusement.

"I see you, Toruk Makto," Titxantslusam said respectfully. "Does your return mean you have found us a new home?"

"It does," Jake said with a broad grin. "Now we have two clan sites."

"Is it true Rai'uk will rebuild the Anurai clan?" another woman asked shyly.

"That was our hope, yes," Jake said. "Now that hope can become a reality."

"Eywa will provide," Titxantslusam murmured.

"Yes," Jake said simply. "Now we must go. Mo'at is asking for you, Sha'ni."

Shawn wondered if he realized that he automatically pronounced her name after the fashion of the Na'vi. This will be me soon, Shawn realized as she followed Jake toward the Tree of Souls. She wasn't sure if the thought of becoming so completely Na'vi was comforting or scary. In any case, it wasn't as immediately scary as the gaggle of Tsahiks waiting for her among the glowing fronds of the Tree of Souls.

"Good luck," he said in English. "I'd root for you, but I'm not sure what I should be rooting for."

"Me neither," Shawn said with a nervous laugh.

"Well, whatever it is—go get 'em, squirt," he said, and squeezed her shoulder.

Why did everyone _call_ her that, she thought irritably, and took a deep breath. It was time.


	3. Chapter 3

Review, people. Show me some love here.

"Sha'ni, come," Mo'at beckoned, and Shawn approached warily.

"This...tawtute demon is to become one of us?" a younger tsahik spat. "It has no shame, appearing before us thus."

Shawny looked at Mo'at, completely bewildered, and realized that she was still wearing the same dirty shorts and tanktop she'd been wearing for the past—God, had it really been ten days? She probably did look pretty wretched. But it wasn't like it was her fault! She'd been unconscious for four of those ten and they hadn't let her out of bed for more than a few hours at a time since her awakening. Laundry hadn't been on anyone's to-do list what with all the resting and the re-hydrating and resting some more.

"This is no tawtute creation," Mo'at said firmly. "She is one of us, as much as Toruk Makto. Her name is Sha'ni."

"Sha'nikupe te Uniltu So'fi'ite," Shawn said softly, looking at the ground.

"It presumes to take a name of the People!" the angry tsahik cried.

"I take nothing," Shawn snapped, glaring at her antagonist. "This name is given by Titxantslusam of the Omaticaya."

"It-"

"Be silent, Tsahik," an older wisewoman barked. "You shame yourself and your clan. Whether or not she enters our ranks, this woman is one of the People. Or do you doubt the signs?"

The young one subsided into sullen silence and Mo'at stepped forward, telling them how she arrived on the back of a thanator and of her journey through the Tree of Souls.

"She lay for three days guarded by the atokirina," Mo'at finished. "They departed only when she woke."

The fairy lights, Shawn thought, thinking back. So they were woodsprites. They were sacred, weren't they?

"Sha'ni, tell them what you told me," Mo'at commanded.

Shawn sighed and did as she was told. Her story was well practiced by now, and the telling was much smoother than it had been when telling Neytiri. The circle of tsahiks listened in grave silence until her narrative ended, then took turns asking seemingly inane questions as Mo'at had done. Once again she was mystified, this time at the relevance of her mother's age at the time of Shawn's birth to the situation at hand.

Once Mo'at dismissed her, she immediately sought out Ninat and demanded to be taken to the nearest body of water to bathe and wash her clothes. Ninat demurred at first, suggesting she continue to clean herself with wet cloths, but Shawn insisted, stripping off her tanktop and practically shoving it under Ninat's nose.

"Oh, my," Ninat said, wrinkling her nose. "You are quite right, my friend. I didn't realize—such a dull color hides the grime well. But tell me, what is that you're wearing? It looks quite uncomfortable."

Shawn looked down and blushed, hastily donning her shirt once more.

"It is called a—a _bra_. It covers and holds...here," she mumbled waving a hand vaguely at her chest. "uniltiranyu...bigger. Hurts if not held."

"I see," Ninat said, her mouth twitching suspiciously. "Many of our women are jealous of such abundance. I will tell them it is not without disadvantage."

"We go now?" Shawn begged. "Please. I stink like old meat."

Ninat laughed merrily. "Ah, little sister, you bring me joy. Come, then, let's fetch the others. We will make an outing out of it."

They tracked down Neytiri, Peyral, and a woman named Syulang, whom Shawn had met a few days previously and quite liked. Ninat sent them on ahead of her with a mischievous smile, saying that she had to do something before she joined them. The others obligingly swept Shawn away into the forest, chattering animatedly. Although she was at first uncomfortable without her guide, she slowly relaxed in the other women's company. Syulang made a point to include her in the conversation, and Neytiri was very solicitous of her welfare, making sure to stop often for Shawn to rest and drink. Peyral remained somewhat aloof, but Shawn was beginning to suspect that she was merely quiet and it had little to do with her.

At the sight of water, Shawn gave a girlish squeal and dashed forward, throwing herself into the river. She scrubbed vigorously at her head before coming up for air and submitted meekly to Neytiri's scolding. It had been worth it. Seeing Shawn properly chastened, Neytiri relented and rubbed a handful of powdery crushed leaves into Shawn's hair. It was frothy and slippery and smelled nice—much nicer than the harsh shampoo used on the base.

"What is it?" Shawn asked curiously as Neytiri kneaded her scalp with the stuff.

"Slipweed," Neytiri replied. "When we are done here we will show you. There is much for you to learn, sister."

"Yes," Shawn agreed. After a moment's silence, she asked, "Neytiri, how can I be tsahik? I know nothing. Not even slipweed."

"A tsahik needs more than knowledge," Neytiri said. "Perhaps it is for your very innocence that Eywa has called you."

"You mean ignorance," Shawn muttered.

"No, innocence," Neytiri said firmly. "You have a pure heart, Sha'ni, anyone can see that. Your heart is as free of hatred as my Jake's is from fear. It's as clear as the stars on both your faces. Now rinse."

Shawn obediently ducked under and rubbed the slipweed from her hair. When she came up, Neytiri had already stripped and joined the others in the deeper water. Deciding to think about what Neytiri said later, Shawn peeled off her clothes and went to join the others in what seemed to be a game similar to Marco Polo. Ninat's arrival a some time later was announced by a warrior cry and a cannon-ball splash worthy of any poolside tough.

"Finally," Peyral said laconically, flicking water at her friend.

"What kept you?" Syulang asked curiously.

"I was finding suitable garments for Sha'ni," Ninat explained. "She can't keep wearing those tawtute rags. It took me a while, though, to find something we can use to bind her chest. Her berries are so big she can't support them on her own."

Neytiri and Syulang howled with laughter while Shawn sputtered and blushed. Peyral restrained herself, grinning widely.

_"_I did _not_ say this," Shawn growled.

"You—don't have to," Ninat hiccuped. "There's nothing—wrong with our eyes."

At the look on Shawn's face as she hastily covered the area in question, even Peyral broke down and the four spent the next quarter hour bemoaning the (vastly exaggerated) difficulties Shawn's breasts would cause. They were actually only slightly larger than the average Na'vi's, Shawn huffed to herself, and certainly nothing special by human standards. Luckily, these difficulties would not include finding a mate, they assured her, and had a great laugh envisioning the hordes of lust crazed males that would no doubt be panting after her.

"Do not make me foolish," Shawn finally snapped, her bioluminescent freckles glowing with embarrassment . "I do not ask to come here. I do not ask to be different."

"We're sorry, Sha'ni," Ninat said, immediately contrite. "We're just jealous of our pretty little sister."

"And her berries," Peyral added seriously, causing the other two to snort with laughter even as they tried to school their features.

"We're sorry, Sha'ni, truly," Syulang protested as Shawn made to go back to shore.

"We forgot it's so new for you," Neytiri said apologetically. "We are your friends. Do Sky People not tease their friends?"

"They do," Shawn admitted, relaxing slightly. "At the tawtute place, other uniltiranyu tease me for päsketpol. I do not play well."

"We know of päsketpol," Ninat said. "Grace Awgustin tried to teach us. It is a very silly game."

"Yes," Shawn agreed. "I do not like it."

"We will teach you to play Na'vi games," Syulang said, and grinned. "You will be very good at hiding games, I think. I can hide you in my satchel."

"I am not so small," Shawn muttered mutinously.

"No, not so small," Peyral agreed, cutting her eyes at Shawn with a sly grin, and this time Shawn joined them in their laughter.

The group of friends returned to shore and dressed, magnanimously refraining from teasing Shawn as they helped her put on her loincloth and chest wrapping. The end result was interesting, Ninat concluded with satisfaction, and not unpleasing to the eye. As promised, Neytiri took her into the forest and showed her various plants that had medicinal value or were good to eat. The others accompanied them, putting in their two cents and thriftily gathering food as they went. At first Shawn felt awkward and exposed in her new garments, but soon relaxed. It was certainly more comfortable than her other clothes in the wet heat of the jungle.

"Come," Neytiri said finally. "Let's go home. Sha'ni needs to rest."

"No more rest," Shawn complained. "I am better now."

"Better, but not yet well," Neytiri said in a tone that brooked no argument, then grinned. "You need your strength to beat back your suitors."

"I see no suitors," Shawn snorted. "I am awake six days. Where are they?"

"That's because they have not seen you," Syulang suggested. "They have all been out searching for a new kelutral. Now they are back and will be after you like nantang after a baby yerik."

"I want no suitors," Shawn clarified quickly, disliking the analogy.

"You will," Neytiri assured her with a twinkle in her eye. "Having a mate has its rewards."

"Not yet," Shawn said firmly, blushing at the thought.

Cuddling with Norm was nice, but she had never "gone all the way" with him or anyone else. The thought of rounding the bases with a Na'vi male did not bear thinking of. To turn the conversation away from her mating prospects, she asked,

"Do you not have mates?"

All but Neytiri shook their heads, though Shawn detected a faint blush on Peyral's usually impassive face.

"Not yet," Ninat corrected, poking Peyral in the ribs. "How long before Ngimkxetse chooses you, Peyral?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Peyral muttered.

"Well, let's see if you remember when Ngimksetse sees you," Neytiri said, sticking a flower behind her friend's ear. "Come, sisters."

After loading makeshift baskets with their spoils, they trooped back toward the camp, resting frequently. Despite her protests, Shawn was glad of it. Perhaps she wasn't quite one hundred percent yet, she admitted to herself. This was the longest she'd been out of bed since her flight from Hell's Gate. When they arrived at camp, she wearily bade the others goodbye and thanked them for spending time with her.

"Rest for a while," Neytiri said. "We will come for you when it is time for the evening meal."

Shawn bit her lip to keep from protesting. She had managed to sleep through supper until now. Other meals tended to be less formal affairs, taken alone or in the company of a few friends. She dreaded the thought of being under the scrutiny of the entirety of several clans. Just don't think about it, she advised herself, and settled on her pallet for a nap. One step at a time.

Ninat and Syulang came for her a few hours later, shaking her gently awake. Shawn sat up and stretched, smiling impulsively at her friends. She'd never had much time for socialization growing up. Later, when she went to university, almost everyone was significantly older than she, even those in the same degree program. At Hell's Gate, she was a student, not a colleague, even to Joanne. Shawn had never had girlfriends before, and she found she liked it.

"Don't be afraid," Ninat said, tugging her forward when Shawn hesitated at the edge of the vast circle. "You are new to them, too, that's all."

"Let them look," Syulang said with a grin. "And make sure you look back. There are plenty of fine men in the crowd."

Shawn rolled her eyes and followed Ninat toward the central fire, carefully stepping over tails and feet. They found Neytiri and Peyral and settled next to them, waiting for food to be passed their way. Shawn's eyes drifted beyond the fire. In the distance, she could see the circle of Tsahiks silhouetted against the glow of the Tree of Souls.

"Put it from your mind," Syulang whispered, touching her shoulder. "Worrying won't make them come to a decision any sooner."

"I know," she whispered back. Don't think about it.

Owing to Neytiri's status, they didn't have long to wait for food. Shawn reached eagerly for a hunk of meat, only to snatch her hand back as Neytiri smacked it with the flat of her knife.

"Kehe," she said sternly. "Fruit and broth for you, sister."

"I have no broth," Shawn grumbled.

"I brought some for you," Neytiri informed her, and handed her a bowl. "Here."

Shawn sighed, brought it to her lips, and drank—slowly. After making certain Shawn was suffering no ill effects, Neytiri relented and let her eat a few teylu. At first Shawn balked at eating the pale, squishy larvae, but the desire for something she could sink her teeth into overruled her squeamishness. As it turned out, the teylu didn't satisfy this particular desire any better than the fruit did, but it was actually quite tasty. She'd had shrimp once at a posh university banquet, and it tasted a bit like that..

After a while—long after Shawn finished her rather meager dinner—her ears pricked at the sound of a drumbeat. Another joined it along with a flute. Those closest to the fire scooted back to make room for the dancers that came forward. Shawn craned her neck, watching eagerly. The dancers circled the fire with strong, rhythmic motions, reenacting the hunt. It was entrancing. Not for the first time since waking up among the People, Shawn wondered if maybe she had made a mistake in studying zoology rather than anthropology.

When the dancers finished, a man's voice boomed out over the gathering in a simple song praising the bravery of the male hunters. A woman answered this with a verse about the grace and beauty of the female hunters, altering the melody slightly. Another riposted with a verse about the virility of the young men. Ninat had a verse or two on this topic, altering the melody further to showcase her vocal range and agility.

"Ninat is the Omaticaya's best singer," Neytiri whispered proudly.

"She is very good," Syulang agreed. "But I think Ateyo of the Tipani might best her."

"Hah!" Neytiri scoffed. "We shall see."

"You are not Omaticaya?" Shawn asked in surprise.

"No, I am Tipani," Syulang said absently, and shushed her as her tribe's singer belted out an ode to a hypothetical female's luminous eyes.

Ninat responded with a description of the male's noble nose, phrasing it in a way that sounded suspiciously like a double entendre of some kind. Ateyo gave a lengthy account of the female's long legs and where they led. By this time the other singers had subsided to listen to the two masters duke it out with melodic lines that became more and more complex and verses that grew both wittier and bawdier. When each ran out of real body parts, they moved on to possessions and crafts and all manner of seemingly innocuous objects. Ninat and Ateyo drifted to the center of the circle to face each other, hands on their hips and singing their verses right into the each other's faces. It ended when Ninat delivered a rapturous praise of the male's spear, describing it in loving detail and illustrating her point with a series of high, difficult-sounding trills. Ateyo's mouth opened as if to sing and then paused, instead letting out a hearty laugh. He gave a warm salute to Ninat, who smiled shyly in return.

"Hah," Neytiri said again. "Ninat has won, as I knew she would."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Syulang replied speculatively. "I think Ateyo may have won after all."

"What—hmm," Neytiri said, eying her friend thoughtfully.

"You are like little grandmothers," Shawn scolded. "You think of nothing but this?"

"There is nothing wrong with that. We are of an age to be choose and be chosen," Syulang said, unabashed. "So are you, Sha'ni. You will feel differently once you are more at home with us."

"And get to know some of the young men," Neytiri added with a grin.

"Not for long time," Shawn said stubbornly.

"Tam," Syulang said equably. "If you say so."

"I do," Shawn grumbled.

"You should sleep now, Sha'ni," Neytiri said, heading off a potential argument.

Shawn didn't argue, glad of an excuse to flee the rampant match-making. She made her way back to her pallet, ignoring the curious stares from the gathered Na'vi. She had met many people in the past few days, but it wasn't even a fraction of the People gathered in the territory surrounding the Tree of Souls. Most, like Titxantslusam, were friendly and open, but there had been more than a few who coldly ignored her or even spat at her as she passed. She wondered how many there were in the whole of the gathering who saw thought she was a tawtute demon like the angry tsahik.

Don't think about it, she told herself for what seemed like the thousandth time. It was quickly becoming a mantra, and Shawn dreaded the time when she would have to stop and think about what was happening to her. That time is not now, she told herself firmly, and went to sleep.

Unfortunately, the time came sooner than Shawn would have liked. Mo'at woke her before dawn, motioning for Shawn to accompany her back to the Tree of Souls. Shawn followed with her heart in her mouth, glad that she wasn't obliged to say anything even as Mo'at's silence frightened her. The tsahiks were gathered under the Tree, staring at her gravely. Mo'at motioned for Shawn to take her place in the circle and the two sat down.

Of its own accord, Shawn's queue connected to the grass-like tendrils at the foot of the Tree. Shawn looked around the circle, wondering what she was supposed to do. Should she close her eyes like the others? She could feel the minds of the other tsahiks through their mutual connection to the Tree of Souls. They were examining her closely, though Shawn could not imagine what they were looking for. Wanting to please them, she opened her mind as completely as she knew how, and waited for them to pass judgment.

"I see you, Tsahik," the eldest said finally.

"I see you, Tsahik," another followed.

"I see you, Tsahik."

It went around the circle—even the angry one, Shawn noted. Was she supposed to say it, too? To which Tsahik should she say it? It wasn't until Mo'at turned to her and said, "I see you, Tsahik," that she realized what was happening. Her queue disengaged and she stood up, shaking. Mo'at rose as well, laying a steadying hand on her arm.

"It is Eywa's will, my child," she said gently. "You are Tsahik."

"Tsahik of what clan?" Shawn demanded. "I belong to no one."

"The Anurai have need of a tsahik," the angry one informed her with an expression perilously close to a smirk on her face.

"But-"

"You were chosen by the Anurai clan totem. I will come with you and teach you what you must know," Mo'at told her. "Neytiri is nearly ready for her Passage. It will be good for her."

"Shall I inform Rai'uk, Tsahik Mo'at?" the angry one asked with an unpleasant gleam in her eye.

"Rai'uk?" Shawn asked, turning to Mo'at, and remembered that the tsahik and olo'eyktan were a mated pair. Her eyes grew wide. "No..."

"Mawey," Mo'at cautioned. "I took the liberty of informing Rai'uk of the possibility. I will take Sha'ni to him now."

"Tsahik," Shawn said frantically and she hurried after Mo'at. "Tsahik, I cannot..."

"You will," Mo'at said. "It is your path."

"You cannot force me!" Shawn snapped, stopping abruptly.

"I do not have to," Mo'at said calmly. "If you are one of us, you will accept Eywa's will. If you will not, then you have no place here."

"You will make me leave?" Shawn whispered, eyes pricking with tears.

"No, my child," Mo'at said, cupping Shawn's face in her hands. "You were brought here for a purpose. Eywa provides, Sha'ni. You must trust in her, and in us. This is your path."

"No," Shawn said, backing away. "I cannot-"

Shawn whirled and ran blindly into the forest. She rushed forward, heedless of the the leaves and vines slapping her face. She had no destination in mind, just a driving need to get away. She finally collapsed under luminescent ferns, sobbing. How had this happened? She'd had her life snatched away from her and been told to start a new one. She had tried—she had made friends. And now, once again, it was all to be pulled out from under her. And they had thrown an arranged marriage in, to boot.

"Sha'ni."

"Go away," Shawn mumbled, her face to the ground.

"No, little sister," Ninat said, and sat beside her.

"Do not call me that," Shawn said. "They will make me leave, and I will have no friends, no sisters."

"This is not true, Sha'ni," Syulang said, and the others settled around her. "We are going with you. Well, Ninat and I are, anyway."

"What?" Shawn looked up with a sniffle.

"Mother told me about the Circle," Neytiri said. "I cannot leave the Omaticaya, nor will Peyral—not when Ngimkxetse is going to choose her. Besides, I would be lonely without her."

"There is little but memories of death for me," Ninat said softly, smoothing Shawn's hair. "So I will go with my little sister."

"I as well," Syulang said, and grinned. "I am like you, Sha'ni. My parents died long ago. The only person I am leaving behind is my grumpy old aunt. I rejoice at the chance for a new start—a new life."

Shawn, overwhelmed by a surprising sense of relief, pressed her face into the soft, moist earth once more. Ninat and Syulang would come with her—assuming that she went.

"But—Rai'uk-"

The others looked at each other in dismay.

"I regret our teasing now," Ninat said. "We should have known fate would be listening."

"I—not ready for mate," Shawn said, trying to not to let panic take away her words. "Rai'uk is stranger."

"To be mated before Eywa is not necessarily the same as the act of mating," Neytiri said comfortingly. "That can come later, after you have shared tsaheylu many times and know each others' heart. It is often so between the Olo'eyktan and Tsahik. It would have been so for me had I not met my Jake."

"But what if he is not good man, or I am not good woman?" Shawn objected. "What if we cannot be happy?"

"Eywa will not let that happen," Neytiri said firmly. "When you form tsaheylu, you will share your good memories or bad. In this way you know if the mating is blessed, or not."

"And if the mating is not blessed?" Shawn asked hopefully.

"It is a possibility," Neytiri admitted. "But unlikely. Olo'eyktan and Tsahik mate for a reason. Those meant to be Tsahik and those meant to be Olo'eyktan tend to be compatible because the very qualities that make them fit for their positions are compatible."

"Oh," Shawn said, face falling.

"All that I have heard and seen tells me that Rai'uk is a good man," Syulang insisted. "You could do much worse, Sha'ni."

"And probably not much better," Peyral added, giving her opinion for the first time. "He is a fine man."

"He frightens me," Shawn whispered.

"Well, Peyral frightened you, too," Ninat pointed out reasonably.

"I did?" Peyral looked so shocked at this that even Shawn gave a watery chuckle.

"Little, only," she assured her friend.

"And now you know better," Ninat concluded with a brisk nod. "Have you ever even spoken to Rai'uk?"

"No," Shawn admitted.

"Well, I suggest you do so," Neytiri said firmly. "Now."

"Now?" Shawn asked uneasily, touching her tear-stained face. "Please, no. I do not want...I do not want him to see me like this. Like a child."

"No, you're right," Syulang said, looking her over. "That won't do at all. Let's get you cleaned up and relax for a bit first."

"The river isn't far," Ninat said. "I'm surprised you remembered the way, Sha'ni."

"I did not," Shawn replied, surprised. "I did not think...only ran."

"Your heart led you to a place of joy," Neytiri said with a nod, and led the way to the river. "This is not surprising."

"I wish..."

"What, sister?"

"I wish you can come with us," Shawn muttered. "Or that I stay. I wish we can be all together. This place bring me joy. Much joy."

Neytiri stopped abruptly and faced the others.

"Sha'ni is right," she announced. "We should all be together, at least as much as we can. The Omaticaya kelutral and the one for the new Anurai are not terribly far apart. We will make tsmuke'awsiteng*. Soon three of us will be mated and the others will surely follow in time."

"What is circle of sisters?" Shawn asked in confusion.

"It is for mated women," Ninat explained. "To support each other as they learn to live with a man and raise their children."

"Children?" Shawn squeaked.

"Don't worry, sister," Peyral assured her with a grin. "That need not happen for some time. It surely won't for me."

"We will gather every fourth eight-night to be together and renew our bond," Neytiri asserted, nodding in satisfaction. "Give me your hands, sisters."

Neytiri nicked the palm of each of their hands and they formed a circle, clasping their slightly bloody hands. What followed very closely resembled an Earth child's playground pact. They swore to keep each others' secrets, aid any member in need, give open and honest council, and stand together in the face of adversity. Though simple, the small ceremony had a profound effect on all five of the young women. Shawn thought she detected something that could possibly be a tear even in Peyral's eye.

"Alright," Ninat said, blinking mistily. "Come. We must make our little sister beautiful for her first and only suitor."

The newly formed circle laughed and continued to the river for one more morning without cares. They taught Sha'ni many Na'vi games, as promised, until they tired and merely floated together on their backs.

"How can I go back?" Sha'ni said presently. "Everyone will know, and stare."

"When you come back, it will be with Rai'uk at your side," Syulang said firmly. "No one will dare give you trouble."

"Mother will speak to the clans," Neytiri told her. "Those who wish to go with Rai'uk will prepare to leave...pending your successful mating. We will fetch Rai'uk to you."

"What will happen?" Sha'ni asked in a small voice.

"You will go away for a while with Rai'uk," Neytiri explained. "If he is not a complete skxawng, you will spend some time getting to know each other, and you will form tsaheylu. If the mating is blessed, Eywa will send you to sleep and perhaps grant you brief visions of your life together—just hints. When you wake up, you are mated before Eywa."

"There is no..."

"Not necessarily," Neytiri said, and smirked. "I must warn you, though, sister. The...feelings of the bond are very strong. You may be more ready than you think."

"I do not think so," Shawn demurred.

"In any case, if it is a successful mating, you will indeed have a partner for life," Neytiri said seriously. "If nothing else, Rai'uk will be your closest friend. Closer than us, even. It is a great gift, Sha'ni."

Shawn couldn't imagine a complete stranger suddenly being closer to her than her only friends, but didn't argue. Neytiri was the only mated one so far, and she was nearly a tsahik in her own right; she surely knew better than Shawn did about such things.

"Come, now, we must not keep poor Rai'uk waiting any longer or he will think you have rejected him and run back to the Sky People," Neytiri said briskly, towing her reluctant sister to shore.

They took great care with her appearance, arranging and rearranging her chest wrap and weaving flowers into her hair. At last, they pronounced her perfect and set off toward the camp. Neytiri and Peyral left the others a small distance away from the camp and went to find Rai'uk. Shawn sat on a rock and held her head in her hands, trying to breathe slowly. Ninat and Syulang sat on either side of her and talked of inconsequential things in a vain attempt to keep her mind off what was to come.

Shawn was almost relieved when Rai'uk at last appeared, accompanied by Neytiri and Peyral. Neytiri said something to him that made a ghost of a smile flicker across his face, though he nodded gravely. Ninat and Syulang squeezed her hands briefly before disappearing with the other two into the forest. They were alone. Shawn stood and took a deep breath before looking up at the warrior standing before her. She remained silent, having no idea what to say. If you can't think of anything nice to say, don't say anything at all, she thought inanely, and waited for her suitor to speak.

*I got the basic idea and the word for the circle of sisters from Broadhands, but his is a little different from what's described here. To see how, go check out his _En Pointe _stories as well as _By The Numbers. _They're awesome.


	4. Chapter 4

"_Kaltxi, ma'Sha'ni,_" Rai'uk said softly.

"_Kaltxi, ma'Rai'uk_," Shawn whispered.

"Would it be easier for you to speak English?" Rai'uk asked with surprisingly little accent.

"_Kehe_," she replied with a bittersweet smile. "Na'vi are my people now. I must learn."

"Very well," Rai'uk said approvingly. After a few moments' silence, he said, "Your sisters tell me you enjoy the water."

"Very much," Shawn affirmed, trying not to look at the ground.

"There is a place I know," he said hesitantly. "With a small waterfall, and a deep pool. I find it very calming. Would you like me to take you there?"

"Srane," she replied, and swallowed nervously.

Rai'uk nodded once and turned, melting into the forest. Shawn hastily followed, wondering if he had done that purposefully to make her feel small. No, she told herself. He is a good man. They all said so. Good man or not, she was finding it hard to keep up with his longer legs. She had to break into a trot now and again just to keep him in sight, but she resisted asking him to slow down.

After a while, her breath began to grow labored. She would have to speak up soon, or fall behind. Hearing her panting, Rai'uk glanced back and abruptly slowed his pace. He stopped soon after, gesturing for her to drink from the water gathered in a line of flowers. She did so gratefully, avoiding his eye. He must think she was such a wuss.

They set off once more, this time at a slower pace and with frequent stops. After a few stilted, awkward attempts at conversation, both gave up and traveled in silence. It was probably better that way, Shawn thought. Wouldn't want to attract anything looking for a meal. They traveled until around midday and stopped to eat some fruit and dried meat that Rai'uk had brought along. Shawn accepted the food with murmured thanks and ate quietly, looking at the ground. When they were done, they set off again. Shawn might have felt the awkward silence to be unbearable, but the thought of actually saying something was worse.

They hiked through the afternoon, severely straining Shawn's depleted energy stores. By the time they arrived at the waterfall, Shawn's limbs were trembling like leaves. Shawn reminded herself that Neytiri knew better than she did and was right to keep her in bed, even if it meant looking like a complete noob in front of her mate-to-be.

"Sit," Rai'uk said, gesturing to a patch of soft moss. "I will bring you water."

Shawn did as she was told and gratefully accepted the water Rai'uk brought from the pool.

"I'm sorry," Shawn murmured.

"For what?" Rai'uk asked, sounding genuinely puzzled.

"For weakness," Shawn muttered.

"You think yourself weak?" Rai'uk now sounded amused.

"Do you not see what I see?" Shawn asked, holding up a shaking hand.

Rai'uk seated himself beside her. "I see a woman who nearly died not so long ago resting after a long day's journey. There is no weakness in that."

"You make a kindness, only," Shawn muttered. "I was stronger—before."

"Time and patience are the only cure," Rai'uk shrugged. "I know this; I have been wounded many times."

"Other women say you are great warrior," Shawn said shyly. "They tell stories—is it truth?"

"I cannot say if it is the truth if I don't know what they've told you," Rai'uk pointed out.

"They say you hate tawtute—you kill many," Shawn said.

"I have killed many sawtute," Rai'uk said slowly. "They killed my entire clan, all but my sister and me. For many years I made it my sole purpose to learn the ways of my enemy so that I may be better able to kill them, especially the one who destroyed my village. I did kill him...but it did not bring my family back. It did not bring back my sister's severed queue, nor did killing the warrior who shot her down put life back into her body when the great battle was over."

"You hate tawtute still?" Shawn asked, looking down.

"I know not all sawtute are evil. There are those like Grace, who could have been tsahik had she been born to the People. There are those like Toruk Makto, who will fight to defend what is good." Rai'uk hesitated. "There are those like you."

Shawn looked up in surprise. "Me? I do nothing."

"You gave up your life to answer Eywa's call," Rai'uk disagreed. "You surrendered your right to choose a mate. I am not a complete skxawng, whatever your sisters might have told you. I have some small idea of how difficult this must be for a young woman. I...I will not..."

"I know. Neytiri said," Shawn assured him hastily. "She said it is not...she said, tsaheylu only is needed."

"Ah," Rai'uk said, looking relieved. It made him look more like a real person. "It will be dark soon. Rest, and I will build a fire for our supper."

Shawn lay back and stretched, feeling at once easier and more nervous than ever. At least she had talked to him. That was one hurdle down. The next... Was it absolutely necessary to touch him? Was it acceptable to sit on opposite sides of a bush while making tsaheylu? Somehow she suspected it was not. But if a shrub buffer was not to be, how, exactly, was it supposed to go down? Hand holding? Cuddling? One arm or two? God, what if there was spooning? There was quite a spectrum between the bush scenario and losing her virginity. How much was she comfortable with? For that matter, how much was he comfortable with? Maybe he didn't want to touch her either if they weren't going to have sex. Not all men were sensitive, snuggle-bear types like Norm.

"You look unhappy," Rai'uk commented as he laid the fire.

"No," Shawn said. "Fear. Small fear, only. Like...before difficult task."

Shawn blushed at the tactlessness of her statement, but Rai'uk only nodded in understanding.

"You are anxious," he said. "As am I."

"You?" Shawn shook her head disbelievingly. "You do not fear."

Rai'uk shot her an amused glance while he blew gently to coax a flame from the tiny embers. He didn't reply until the flame caught and started consuming the kindling. He added slightly larger pieces, appearing to gather his thoughts.

"I fear many things," he said. "I fear that my past has made me unfit to mate before Eywa. I fear that because of this I will not be able to rebuild my clan and the Anurai will die with me. I fear I will not please you."

"Oh," Shawn said, feeling silly for worrying about cuddling.

"What is making you anxious?"

Shawn blushed and shook her head.

"You must not fear me," Rai'uk said softly. "I do wish to please you, Sha'ni. We will be together for a long time if Eywa blesses our bond."

What could she say? He didn't please her...he didn't _dis_please her, but the fact remained that he was an extremely recent acquaintance and a rather intimidating one at that. What the heck was she supposed to say? 'I'm sure you'll please me eventually' seemed harsh, even if she could say it properly. Shawn sat up and turned to face him, but couldn't quite bring herself to look him in the eye. She felt rather than saw him reach for her hand and snatched it back involuntarily.

"You must not fear me," he repeated, sounding frustrated for the first time.

"No, no," she protested. "Not fear. My hands...they are Sky People hands."

Rai'uk reached for her hand again and this time she let him. He examined it carefully, bending each of her five finger and tracing the lines on her palm. At last he put the hand back in her lap with a brisk pat.

"It's just a finger," he said. "It is no more alien than the rest of you."

"I do not like to be different," Shawn sighed. "And I am. My finger and all of me."

"It is difficult to be singled out," Rai'uk agreed. "But you are not as different as you think."

They fell into an almost comfortable silence and Shawn gathered her courage to reach out and grasp Rai'uk's hand. He merely squeezed her fingers lightly in return. They sat a few moments more, each contemplating their own thoughts, until Shawn's stomach gave an embarrassingly loud rumble.

"Forgive me," Rai'uk said. "You will think I cannot provide for my mate. Perhaps...perhaps you would like to bathe while I fish downstream?"

"Yes," Shawn said eagerly, and accepted a helping hand to her feet.

Shawn waited until she was sure Rai'uk had gone and stripped, hoping she would be able to put her top back on by herself. One thing at a time, she reminded herself, and slipped into the water. Immediately she felt more secure, as if the water carried the weight of her troubles as well as her own floating body. Shawn drifted for a while, enjoying the sensation, then dove, exploring the rocky bottom of the pool lit by glowing weeds. To her delight, she found a few mollusk-like creatures tucked away in nooks and crannies. She had often made a meal out of the chewy, tasty things while "researching" in the field. She gathered enough for both herself and Rai'uk and deposited them near the fire.

Shawn dried herself off as best she could and struggled into her clothing, hoping her top would stay put. She wiggled her shoulders and bounced slightly. It seemed secure enough. Seeing that the fire had burned to embers and was unlikely to start a forest fire, she stepped into the forest and poked around, looking for some leaves she knew were edible. She came across some spicy berries and took those too, grateful for her Na'vi night sight. It wasn't cocktail sauce, but it might just do.

Rai'uk was laying a fish wrapped in leaves over the embers when she returned. He looked up and nodded in approval as she emerged from the forest. She squatted on the other side of the fire and gathered up her oyster-things, opened by the heat. Scooping out the meat, she made little wraps out of them with the leaves and berries. She took a bite of hers before offering one to Rai'uk, just in case it was hideously disgusting. But no, it was actually quite good. She thought so, anyway.

"What have you made for us, little one?" Rai'uk asked, examining the wrap. "This is almost like nikt'chey."

"I do not know," Sha'ni said humbly.

Rai'uk eyed the wrap warily for another moment and then took a bite. Shawn giggled at the look of delighted surprise that crossed his face. Glowing with satisfaction, she watched as he ate the rest with gusto. She ate hers more slowly, half-fearing that Neytiri would materialize and snatch it out of her hands if she did otherwise.

"What was in it?" Rai'uk asked, and Shawn showed him the empty shells. "Interesting."

"You do not eat these?" Shawn asked, wondering if she had given him the Na'vi equivalent of escargot or frog legs. But then, they ate larvae almost daily. Surely these wouldn't bother him.

"Not like this," Rai'uk said. "My mother used to make a soup out of them. I haven't eaten these in many years."

"You like?" Shawn asked shyly.

"Very much," he assured her.

They lapsed into silence once more. Shawn stole furtive glances at him out of the corner of her eye, growing nervous again. She wished he would smile, or laugh. Her sisters were right—he was a good man. He was kind and compassionate and certainly more understanding than the average human male. But he was so serious. Was it because he was older? He wasn't _old_, of course, but he was certainly several years older than she. What if he thought her terribly childish once he got to know her? What if he had no sense of humor, or play?

"You are anxious again," Rai'uk said, watching her closely as she picked at her food. "You do not wish to eat?"

"I do not eat much since I was sick," Shawn excused herself. "Neytiri does not allow it. You eat?"

"We mustn't waste it," Rai'uk agreed, and polished it off in two bites, making Shawn smile. Perhaps he was not so different from human men, after all. He came around the fire to stretch out next to her. "Tell me about yourself."

"What do you wish to know?"

"Your family?" Rai'uk suggested.

"I have no family," Shawn told him. "Mother and Father die, long ago. That is why I am allowed to come with sawtute—no family."

"Are all the sawtute orphans, then?" Rai'uk asked in surprise.

"Not all orphans," Shawn said. "But no mates, no children. Tawtute home is far, far away. Six years journey."

"Six years!" Rai'uk exclaimed. "The black rock means so much to them?"

"Yes," Shawn said, fiddling with her hair. "Tawtute planet is dead. Great Mother is dead. Black rock is only energy left."

"The Sky People had a Great Mother once? Like Eywa?"

"Yes and no," Shawn said uncertainly. "Sawtute never speak with her, not like Na'vi. But long ago, they pray and honor."

"What was her name?" Rai'uk asked curiously.

"Many names," Shawn said, trying to remember. "Ki, Terra Mater...but most remembered name is Gaia."

"Ngai'a," Rai'uk repeated. "I like this name."

"Me too," Shawn agreed.

Silence fell yet again as she tried to think of something more to say. It was getting late, she thought nervously. They couldn't put it off all night. Was he waiting for her to make the first move? If so, they might have some explaining to do when they returned to camp, because she didn't think she could bring herself to do it. Whether she could do it even if he initiated was something of a toss-up.

"You have wet flowers in your hair," Rai'uk said presently, reaching up to touch one.

"Oh! I—I forget," Shawn said, trying to disentangle them. "My sisters put them there."

"Here, let me," Rai'uk said, and sat up.

Shawn hesitated but allowed him to gently remove the the flowers. She sat stiffly, her heart racing at the feeling of his fingers moving through her hair. The sensation was unfamiliar and strangely invasive, and yet not completely unpleasant. When his hands drifted down to brush her arms, she tensed and flinched away, only to have the hands settle gently but firmly on her shoulders. She sat for a moment, tensed as if to flee, then breathed deeply and relaxed with a conscious effort, allowing him to pull her gently back until she leaned against his chest.

"Are you ready?" Rai'uk asked quietly.

"No," she said bluntly. "But we must."

Rai'uk squeezed her shoulders bracingly before taking her queue gently in his hand. Shawn's breath hitched and she nearly stopped him. But she felt Rai'uk's heart pounding through his chest and realized that he must be just as frightened as she was. Well, perhaps not quite, but nervous enough. She found this thought comforting.

Rai'uk connected their queues... and the world fell away. Sensations she didn't have a name for crashed through her like a riptide, carrying her away. Instinctively she pressed herself against Rai'uk, seeking something solid in the mad rush of emotion. His arms came around her and held her tightly as she shivered with fear. His own heart was racing madly...she could feel it as if it were her own. And she could feel it banging away against her spine. She felt—everything. She feared it would drive her mad.

The storm raged, growing increasingly stronger until tears trickled down her face, then eased abruptly, softening into images. She played with her sister Kyuna on the shore of a great lake. She received her first bow from her sempul. She cried out in exultation as she flew her ikran for the first time...she was told by Mo'at that she might have the dreamwalker Sha'ni as a mate.

The images came all at once in a confused jumble, childhood mingling with adolescence and adulthood. But they were all happy, and filled her with a feeling of peaceful contentment that she had never even dreamed of. All at once, the weight of her fear dropped away and she was left with an abiding sense of rightness. Slowly she became aware that she was lying on her side, Rai'uks body curved neatly around hers. Shawn twisted around to face him, looking him fully in the eyes for the first time.

"I see you," she whispered.

"I see you," he replied, leaning his forehead against hers.

"That was...big," Shawn said, wishing she had words to describe what she felt.

Rai'uk smiled, lighting up his normally solemn face like a candle.

"Big," he agreed, and brushed his fingers against her cheek. "My mate..."

"This pleases you," Shawn said wonderingly, remembering the vision she had experienced through tsaheylu. "Why you want me to be your mate? I am a stranger...and uniltiranyokx."

Rai'uk's eyes traveled over her face, his hand absently rubbing small circles on her back. It was making her sleepy. Whether it was Eywa sending her to sleep, as Neytiri had said, or simply the natural product of an extremely long and stressful day, she was rapidly losing ground in the battle to stay awake. She wanted to know why Rai'uk was pleased that she was his mate. She could sense his thoughts moving about through the link, but couldn't quite catch their content. Shawn closed her eyes—just to rest them while he gathered his thoughts—and sighed, squirming to find a more comfortable position.

"You have pretty freckles," he said finally, but she was already asleep.

Shawn looked around, shocked to find herself back on the Avatar compound. Tears pricked her eyes. Had it all been a dream, then? Was she truly insane? But no—there was Rai'uk. Why was he holding a gun? And who were those others? Some were avatars, but many were Na'vi. Jake barked an order and the weapons came up as one. The scene shifted to a village where an avatar male played with a child who could only be his offspring, watched by a laughing Na'vi woman. Shawn called after her own daughter to slow down as she ran off to play hopscotch with her friends, several of whom, Shawn saw, were five fingered.

She was back at Hells Gate, only to find the place populated almost solely by avatars with only a few humans in sight. And yet, there seemed to be remarkably few linkpods. The Avatar Compound, strangely, was deserted. She was in a village again, this time populated not by Na'vi but by avatars in a strange mix of native and human clothing. They were engaged in a variety of activities that ranged from smoking meat to examining samples of...whatever... under microscopes. Rai'uk turned and smiled at her, beckoning for her to come see something that an avatar was showing him. With a start, Shawn realized it was Norm.

The images came and went, almost too quickly for Shawn to process them. She could not shake the feeling that this was not normal. The images were too clear, too...purposeful. Why was she seeing these things? Was Rai'uk seeing it, too? Shawn twitched and thrashed in her sleep, disturbed by some of the images she was seeing. Jake approaching a Valkyrie shuttle with Rai'uk and the Tipani clan leader at his side. Avatars in AMP suits and Na'vi loaded with guns and grenades, packing humans back into their ship along with massive crates of ore. What did it all mean?

When Shawn opened her eyes the next morning, the first thing she saw was Rai'uk's worried eyes gazing back at her. She sat up, gently disengaging her queue. The ease and comfort she had felt in the aftermath of tsaheylu was gone, banished both by her unsettling dreams and the more mundane "morning after" awkwardness.

"Did you see..."

"Yes," Rai'uk replied curtly, and stood up. "We must speak to the council of tsahiks, and to Toruk Makto."

"What means this?" Shawn asked worriedly as she followed suit. "Are we not...not blessed?"

"Of course we are," he said, as if this were obvious. "We are mated before Eywa. Come."

"I slow you," she said regretfully.

"No, you will not slow us down," he disagreed, and threw his head back, giving a wild cry that made her hair stand on end. A distant roar answered, followed by another. "The palulukan come. Do not be afraid. You have made tsaheylu with the female and I with the male—they will not hurt you."

"That is not what she think," Shawn replied nervously. "Not for sure."

"She was just playing," Rai'uk said impatiently. "Her mate tells me he will eat me every time we meet."

Rai'uk set off in the direction of the palulukan and Shawn followed, hoping he was right. Her bonding with the thanator seemed like a dream. What little she remembered was not comforting. If presented with the possibility of being eaten, she was certain she would not view it with quite the same equanimity as she had the first time.

Once again Rai'uk set a hard pace, and Shawn hoped she wouldn't have to keep it up for long. She resolved to start getting back in shape, no matter what Neytiri said. Rai'uk continued on as if he had forgotten she was there. She didn't want to find out whether or not he would notice if she lost him, and gave up trying to simply walk quickly. She trotted after her mate, panting, glad to put Rai'uk's apparent personality transplant out of her mind.

When the thanator pair burst through the trees to meet them, Shawn was too winded to be afraid. Instead she put her hands on the back of her head and tried to resist bending over. She gulped for air and patted the thanator female almost absently in thanks as the fearsome beast knelt for her to mount. Shawn clambered onto her back and made tsaheylu, marveling at how intelligent the animal was. She was nearly sentient. She wondered what an ikran felt like in comparison. Not that she had any intention of bonding with an ikran, of course. Just the thought of flying one with nothing but a tiny saddle made her sick.

She would stick to the palulukan—she thought could even learn to enjoy it. It was certainly exhilarating, if completely terrifying. She imagined skydiving must be something like it. On the one hand, a total adrenaline rush. On the other, a very real possibility of agonizing, inglorious death. Shawn felt the palulukan's amusement through the link. Clearly, she had gotten the gist of things, and Shawn wondered how much of her rider's thoughts she really understood.

This time, when the thanator decided it was time for her to disembark, Shawn managed not to be tossed head over heels. She disconnected her queue and slid off the thanator's back almost gracefully. The thanator nudged her gently and Shawn smiled, running a hand over her crest of quills gently. Rai'uk called for her sharply up ahead and she sighed.

"_Eywa ngahu, ma' tsmuke_," she said, and both went to join their mates.

Shawn passed through the camp at Rai'uk's side, determined not to follow behind like a puppy. He wasn't make it easy, though. His longer legs covered a surprising distance with each stride. They found Mo'at sharing the noon meal with her family. They all looked up and smiled in greeting, but Neytiri's and Mo'at's smiles melted away at Rai'uk's grave countenance. Jake seemed to be oblivious to everything but his lunch.

"Yo," Jake mumbled around his food.

"I see you, Olo'eyktan, Tsahik," Mo'at said, eyes flicking between the two. "What troubles you?"

"What is it, Sha'ni?" Neytiri asked, rising and reaching for Shawn's hand.

Shawn shrugged helplessly and looked to Rai'uk to explain. Jake's face turned puzzled, then grim as Rai'uk told them what he and Shawn had seen in their dreams. Mo'at looked hard at Shawn, frowning, while she answered Jake's questions about her visions. Some parts she could tell better than Rai'uk, and she broke her rule about only speaking Na'vi to explain what she had seen.

"The next ISV will be here in little under a year," Jake said thoughtfully. "I've been thinking something similar, actually...we need to kill any hope they have of taking back Hell's Gate by force right from the start. If we'd had access to that kind of firepower in the first place, we would have destroyed them. But the rest..."

"Toktor Patel said that you cannot make your dreamwalker bodies here," Neytiri said, looking at her mate for confirmation.

"We can't," Jake said. "I don't know..."

"Can whatever equipment we need be transported on an ISV?" Shawn asked. "I mean, we have a huge honking pile of unobtanium just sitting in the refinery. Can't we trade for it?"

"But why?" Jake wondered. "Why would..."

"It is the only way," Mo'at murmured. "My son, you say the Sky People will come again."

"Yeah," Jake affirmed. "They've put way too much money into this place to back off after one fight."

"The People cannot fight the aliens by themselves," Rai'uk said, surprising everyone. "Not forever. But with human minds in dreamwalker bodies, loyal to us...we can keep the worst at bay."

"It is the only way," Mo'at repeated.

"Mother!" Neytiri exclaimed. "You mean this?"

"Things can never be as they were, my daughter," Mo'at said sadly. "We must learn to live with the Sky People and teach them to live with us as children of Eywa. They cannot do this and remain hidden behind their masks. In return, they will help us defend our home against those who would take it from us. It will be their home, too."

"Will the clans accept this?" Neytiri asked, looking troubled.

"They must," Mo'at said simply. "But it will not be easy."

"Well, they have plenty of time to get used to the idea," Jake said. "Assuming we can get the RDA to play ball, it will be years before we even get the equipment. Now that we've found a new home we can get to work. In less than a year the RDA will come calling...lets just focus on one thing at a time, folks."

"It is a beginning," Mo'at agreed. "I know you will lead us well, my son."

"Let's hope so," Jake sighed.


	5. Chapter 5

The new Anurai had been packed and ready to go for nearly a full day, gathered at one end of the camp and no doubt gossiping gleefully about their prospective tsahik and their olo'eyktan. Now that they were mated, there was nothing to do but head out. Shawn and her sisters gathered to say farewell. Although, as Neytiri reminded everyone, it wouldn't be for long. They would see each other again in just a few weeks.

Shawn stayed with Ninat and Syulang as the party set out, glad for an excuse to stay out of Rai'uk's way. Today he seemed like a completely different person. Which one was the true Rai'uk? She much preferred the one from the night before. The thought of sharing her life with this imperious and somewhat grouchy creature was not a happy one. Ninat and Syulang, seeming to sense that it was not a good time, didn't ask her about her mating and instead talked eagerly about their new home as they gathered their belongings. Syulang was the only one of the three who had seen it and took great pleasure in holding it over both her friends' heads.

Since Shawn had literally nothing but the clothes on her back to call her own—her shorts and tanktop seemed to have disappeared—she merely sat quietly, listening to her friends banter back and forth. She took a moment to thank God (or Eywa, or whomever) that they were her friends and that they were coming with her. She didn't think she could have faced the prospect of being married off and sent away to be shaman to a clan of strangers had it not been for their support.

Mo'at soon came to find her new disciple and chide her for being antisocial. The Anurai needed to learn to trust their Tsahik, Mo'at adminished her, and how could they if Tsahik only spent time with Ninat and Syulang? Seeing that Mo'at was not going to chaperone her, Shawn took a deep breath, picked a group of women, and went to introduce herself. They were very pleasant and eager to meet their Tsahik. They asked Shawn many questions, some of which would have been considered rude on Earth, but Shawn could see they were not mean-spirited and answered them all as best she could. If they weren't embarrassed to ask, she shouldn't be embarrassed to answer.

As she made her rounds, she found herself not only talking to people but helping them carry their belongings and gather food along the way. She even held a baby for a short while, trying to resist the urge to drop it and run the minute its mother turned her back. The baby—she had no idea if it was a boy or a girl—stared solemnly at her with wide golden eyes and she stared warily back, wondering how in the world she was ever going to procreate.

"You hold him as though he were a kali'weya," the baby's mother laughed, settling the child more firmly in Shawn's arms.

"This is first time," Shawn said stiffly, wishing the woman would take the baby back.

"No," she replied, sounding shocked. "You've never held a baby?"

Shawn shrugged. "No babies around."

"Nonsense," the woman scoffed. "Babies are everywhere."

"Not in...in...where I am, to learn," Shawn tried to explain. "Adults only, toktors."

"But in your village...someone must have had a child," the woman pressed.

"On tawtute home world I live alone," Shawn said, intrigued yet slightly sad at the woman's complete inability—or unwillingness—to grasp how humans lived. It brought home how depressing her existence truly had been.

"No wonder Eywa called you here," the woman said, gazing at her with troubled eyes. "Keep Txepvi for a little while. It will do you good."

When the woman finally reclaimed her offspring, Shawn beat a hasty but polite retreat and found some older, blessedly baby-less women to talk to. As the day wore on, Shawn found it harder and harder to make herself start conversations with new people. Although she genuinely enjoyed getting to know her people, the constant strain of trying to understand and formulate coherent replies was exhausting. When they finally stopped to make camp for the night, Shawn was glad when Mo'at advised her to relax with her friends. Shawn found Ninat and Syulang and flopped down beside them, gratefully accepting a food wrap—nikt'chey, she reminded herself. She doled out some fruit that she had found along the way and the three enjoyed a pleasant, if light, meal.

"What is kali'weya?" Shawn asked when they had all finished.

"It's a little animal with many legs and a sharp stinger," Ninat told her. "You've probably seen it."

"Yes," Shawn affirmed. "I have seen it, but do not know its name. Kali'weya. This sting is poison, yes?"

"No, not poison, exactly," Syulang said. "It's used for Uniltaron."

"Dream hunt?" Shawn asked, frowning.

"Yes," Syulang said with a frown, then brightened. "But of course, you wouldn't have had your Dream Hunt. I'm sure Tsahik Mo'at will hold a ceremony for you when we reach Hometree."

"What is it?" Shawn asked, not liking the sound of this at all. It sounded like some kind of ceremonial acid trip.

"The sting of the kali'weya will send you on a Dream Hunt to discover your spirit animal," Ninat explained. "All Na'vi must do this to pass into adulthood and become one with the clan."

"Will all do this to become Anurai?" Shawn asked curiously.

"I don't know," Ninat said, looking surprised. "I hadn't thought about it. I don't think so...not the adults, anyway. I'm sure Tsahik—Tsahik Mo'at, I mean—will know what to do."

Once again Shawn was reminded of how woefully unprepared she was for the role of Tsahik. Whose crazy idea was this, anyway, she thought furiously, hating the feeling of inadequacy that suddenly overwhelmed her. Ninat, seeing she had upset her friend, steered the conversation away and continued chatting with Syulang, determinedly upbeat. Shawn tried to follow her example, but was not as successful as she would have liked. Her mood was not improved when Rai'uk suddenly appeared out of the darkness and jerked his head, clearly indicating that she was to follow.

Pursing her lips, she bade her friends goodnight and went to her mate, who led her to a comfortable looking patch of moss. Rai'uk stretched out on the grass and sighed, closing his eyes. Shawn stood there awkwardly, wondering what he expected her to do. Rub his feet? Mate or not, olo'eyktan or not, she would not stoop so low, she thought grimly. Rai'uk opened his eyes, looking at her questioningly.

"Are you not tired?" he asked.

"I am," she replied shortly.

Rai'uk frowned. "Then come and sleep."

"Is this all you want?" Shawn asked expressionlessly.

"Yes, I suppose so," Rai'uk said, frowning irritably.

"Then I will return to my sisters now," she said bluntly, and suited action to words.

If Ninat and Syulang were surprised to have her back, they gave no indication of it. They merely smiled sleepily at her and shifted slightly to make room for her between them. Shawn swallowed the lump in her throat and lay down, sternly reminding herself to count her blessings. At least she had Ninat and Syulang. It was obviously asking too much to have Rai'uk as a friend as well. She missed Norm with an intensity that surprised her. He would never treat her with such callous disregard. He was sweet and kind and gentle and made her feel like the most precious thing in the world. Suddenly she couldn't think how his fussing and clinging had ever bothered her.

Shawn woke early the next morning with red, swollen eyes and a headache. She rose quietly so as not to disturb her slumbering friends, and made her way to the small stream which had decided this place as their campground. She splashed water over her face and breathed deeply, determined not to let anyone see that she had been crying even if Ninat and Syulang probably knew perfectly well how she had spent her night.

It was too bad the stream was too shallow to really swim, Shawn thought with a sigh. A dip would have done her a world of good. She lay on her side for a while, drawing a hand absently through the water. They would be traveling for well over a week, Shawn thought unhappily. Was she going to avoid Rai'uk the entire time? If not, how should she handle the situation? Pretend that everything was all right? It wasn't! But how could she possibly explain what was making her angry when she didn't fully understand herself?

She was angry because...because he didn't act like he loved her? He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. How was he supposed to act? Less like the master of an ill-trained dog, she thought with a snort. But what if that was how Na'vi males were supposed to act? She wanted to fit in, to be one of the People. She had known that she would have to adapt and that it wouldn't always be comfortable...but this? Could she adapt to this? Shawn's musings were interrupted by the object of her ruminations.

"Here," he said brusquely, handing her a seemingly freshly made nikt'chey. "You didn't eat much last night."

Shawn sniffed it and found that it contained the clams and berries she had used the night they were mated. She looked up at him sharply, but he merely stared at her impassively. When she took a bite, his posture abruptly relaxed and he seated himself next to her. She ate her breakfast in silence, wondering if this was an apology. An olive branch, at least, she decided, but damned if she knew what to do about it.

"I think you will like our new home," Rai'uk offered.

"Why?" she asked, grateful not to have to break the ice herself.

"It is near the birthplace of the Great River," he told her. "You can see the water coming out of the cliffs even from the kelutral. It is very impressive. The kelutral itself is between the two biggest tributaries."

"Biggest what?" Shawn asked, for she hadn't understood the word he used for 'tributaries'.

"The Great River comes from the many rivers that come out of the cliffs and down the mountains," Rai'uk clarified. "The kelutral is between the two biggest."

"Mesopotamia," Shawn murmured, and smiled.

"What did you say?" Rai'uk said curiously. "That word is not Inglisi, is it?"

"No, Greek," Shawn said. "A different tawtute language—ancient. No one speaks anymore."

"What does it mean?"

"It means for our kelutral," Shawn explained. "It means 'between rivers'. Tawtute...first songs...begin in this place. Long ago."

"Me'so...potami'a," Rai'uk said slowly, as if tasting the word. "Interesting. I think would enjoy learning more of the Sawtute's songs, Sha'ni."

"I will tell what I know," Shawn agreed. "But Tawtute...Sawtute do not sing the stories of the people—not the true stories."

"But they do sing," Rai'uk stated, seeking clarification.

"Yes," Shawn said. "But mostly for feeling good...like Ninat and Ateyo at the feast."

"Perhaps...perhaps you will share a meal with me tonight, and explain," Rai'uk suggested, with an air of one offering a biscuit to a potentially dangerous animal.

Shawn smiled slightly. "Perhaps."

"Come," Rai'uk said, and got to his feet. He held a hand down to help her up. "The clan will soon be ready to be on its way. I would have you meet some folk I have spoken with. There is much to learn, and I think they will be of great help to you once we are settled. Besides, you shouldn't only talk to the women of the clan."

"Men are..." Shawn tried to think of an adjective that wouldn't be offensive or make her sound like a wuss.

"Just as curious about their tsahik as the women are," he finished for her. "And just as worthy of her attention. Will you come?"

Because she couldn't say no without being rude, Shawn reluctantly agreed and was pleasantly surprised when Rai'uk took her hand to lead her back to camp. Rai'uk introduced her to the men in question, who were much less terrifying than she had originally supposed. One was an expert fletcher and spear-maker and would teach her the rudiments of his craft, as would the tanner and the carver that were introduced to her. Rai'uk was still somewhat distant, but at least wasn't acting like she was an errant child. A more than acceptable improvement, in Shawn's mind.

Now that Shawn would have welcomed being whisked away by Mo'at, the elder tsahik was of course nowhere to be found. Unable to excuse herself gracefully, Shawn stayed with Rai'uk and met many more men and some of the fierce huntresses, who, like Peyral had at first, seemed aloof and haughty. Shawn shivered at their lethal grace even as she envied it. It occurred to her to wonder if she was expected to be a huntress as well as a shaman. If so, she thought grimly, everyone was in for a very rude surprise. Even if she tried her hardest—and she would, at whatever they asked her to do—Shawn was certain that she simply did not have it in her to be a sky hunter. She would have to clarify this point with Tsahik sometime soon, and she was not looking forward to the conversation

At midday, Syulang and Ninat came to rescue her. While Shawn welcomed the chance to relax, she felt the slightest reluctance to leave Rai'uk. What if everything changed again the next time she saw him? But worrying would do no good, and neither would clinging to him like a leech. Besides, how many personalities could one person have tucked away? Shawn sat down beside her friends with a troubled sigh, wishing she could be more confident on this point.

"Here," Ninat said, handing her some fruit. "Tomorrow I'll have to insist that you need to start learning the ways of the forest so you can do your own gathering."

"And give yourself a break from all those people," Syulang added. "Even you must find it wearying eventually."

"I like learning new people," Shawn objected, but a small break did sound lovely indeed.

"Perhaps one in particular more than others?" Ninat suggested with a grin. "I assume you've made up with Rai'uk?"

"What?" Shawn asked, confused by her informal language.

"Reconciled," Syulang provided. "Forgiven."

"Oh," Shawn said, trying to formulate a coherent thought through the rush of doubt and anxiety that had plagued her all night. "I think yes, but I am not...not..."

"What's the matter?" Ninat asked earnestly, clearly concerned.

"I—he-it was...he was different, when we were away," Shawn said, beginning to get upset again. "By the falls, one person, yesterday a stranger; today, different stranger. Who is my mate?"

"Mawey, sister," Ninat said soothingly. "What do you mean, he was a stranger?"

Shawn explained as best she could her confusion over Rai'uk's behavior and her refusal to take her rest with him the night before. Although she hadn't realized it until then, she was anxious for her friends' approval. She lived in fear of making some fatal cultural blunder that would prove her unfit to be tsahik or even a member of the clan. To her great relief, her friends more than approved of her actions; they were positively gleeful.

"Men need a firm jerk of the tail sometimes," Syulang said, grinning. "I'm proud of you, Sha'ni."

"We saw how he was treating you yesterday," Ninat assured her. "I'm sure he is feeling stressed, but that's no excuse for treating his mate like a pa'li. You did just what any self-respecting woman would do."

"You did it more quietly than I think most of us would, though," Syulang observed. "It's an interesting approach."

"But you've made up?" Ninat pressed, ignoring Syulang's musing. Apparently passive aggression, the most trusted weapon in many a human woman's arsenal, was a novel concept among the Na'vi.

"Yes?" Shawn said uncertainly, and told them about the peace offering.

"I think that's as much apology as you're going to get," Syulang said frankly.

"But more important is the fact that his behavior has changed very much for the better from what we've seen," Ninat added firmly.

"You'll have him tamed yet," Syulang said with a grin.

"You should share tsaheylu often," Ninat lectured her, shooting Syulang a quelling look. "It will solve many of these problems as you come to know each other. You must form a strong bond with your mate, especially since it isn't yet physical. "

Seeing the look on Shawn's face at the mention of a physical bond with her mate, Syulang swiftly changed the subject.

"So," she said, looking even more cat-like than usual. "Ateyo is to be Anurai."

"I can't think of any other reason he would be traveling with us," Ninat replied with raised eyebrows.

"Ateyo is the Tipani's best singer," Syulang continued thoughtfully. "His family lives and he has many friends. I wonder why he would choose to come with us?"

"Strange," Shawn agreed, finding it pleasantly refreshing to be the tease-_er_ rather than the tease-_ee_ for once.

Ninat blushed deeply. "Perhaps he wants a fresh start, like you."

"Perhaps," Syulang allowed. "It could be a pretty lonely fresh start, though."

"That would be sad," Shawn said solemnly. "Perhaps he will find a mate."

"I don't know," Syulang disagreed with a sigh. "It can be hard with so many new people. Not like in one's own clan, where everyone grows up together. I fear for my clan brother."

"He is very handsome," Shawn pointed out. "Women will be...how did you say? Like nantang after little yerik."

"They were like that already," Syulang informed her. "Strange that he would leave behind an entire tribe of swooning women."

"Perhaps there is one very special woman?" Shawn suggested innocently.

"Now, that, my dear sister, is exactly-"

"Oh, be quiet, both of you," Ninat burst out, but she was trying not to laugh. "I don't know that Ateyo came because of me."

"That's alright," Syulang assured her. "Everyone else does."

"Anyone can see," Shawn agreed.

"You really think so?" Ninat asked shyly, giving up all pretense.

"Don't be coy," Syulang chided. "You know perfectly well he wants you. The question is, what are you going to do about it?"

"I...I don't know," Ninat said, looking worried.

"Talk?" Shawn suggested.

"Sha'ni, you're so boring!" Syulang cried. "Ninat, you need to just drag him off into the forest and have at it. You'll never catch a mate by _talking_."

"I did," Shawn muttered darkly.

"Yes, well, not all of us are chosen by Eywa," Syulang said, waving a hand dismissively. "_Some_ of us need to take a little more initiative."

"I think some of us need to mind their own business," Ninat said primly. "Anyway, it looks like we're heading out. Let's go see if Mo'at will let us take Sha'ni into the forest for the afternoon."

Mo'at agreed that Shawn should be sent into the forest, but qualified it with a suggestion—and it wasn't really a suggestion—that Shawn go with anyone but her two friends. Shawn sighed at this, but she realized that she could not show such blatant favoritism, even if it was in reality only shyness. For a moment she wondered if she would ever be allowed to acknowledge her friendship with Syulang and Ninat. Mo'at saw her anxiety and patted her on the shoulder.

"Tsahik is allowed to have friends, my child," Mo'at said. "I only want you to take advantage of this time to get to know as many of your people as possible. Once everyone settles down it will be more difficult."

"I understand, Tsahik," she said quickly. "It gives me joy to know my people. Only..."

"It is difficult," Mo'at finished gently. "And new. It will pass, my child. Go now, and when you return you will tell me all you have learned."

Shawn went out with a group of children tended by a man who was perhaps just old enough to be someone's grandfather. She thought it reasonable to start from the bottom up, but the children giggled madly at the idea of Tsahik Sha'ni sharing their lesson. Shawn suffered a moment of acute embarrassment, but the warm approval in the elder's eyes quickly eased the sting of the children's laughter. The elder, Iley, made a point of providing Shawn with extra information without singling her out or drawing attention. Shawn was grateful for it, and made sure to thank him when they returned to camp.

"_Irayo, ma' Iley_," Shawn said humbly. "You are a very good teacher."

"And you are a good student, Tsahik," Iley replied with a smile.

"Please, no," Shawn said nervously. "My name is Shawny. Sha'ni."

"You are Tsahik," he said firmly.

"Only...only little tsahik," Shawn insisted. "I do not know enough."

Iley threw his head back and laughed. "Very well, Tsahik'tsyip. Sha'ni, then."

Shawn was trying to think of a reply when they were hailed by Rai'uk.

"_Kaltxi, ma' Iley_," her mate said pleasantly.

"_Kaltxi, ma' olo'eyktan_," Iley returned. "I have not yet congratulated you. You are lucky in your mate."

"Yes," Rai'uk said simply, with a faint note of pride that did much to dispel any lingering anger on Shawn's part.

"I would be honored if you both would share my family's fire tonight," Iley offered. "My sons have brought home a fine catch."

"The honor is ours," Rai'uk assured him. "Pass the word that we will soon stop for the night. We will join you at your fire."

"I like this man," Shawn commented shyly when Iley left them. "He is very kind."

"Yes," Rai'uk agreed. "I am told he was a great warrior in his youth—that's how he got his name. But come, we should find something to bring to the fire tonight."

"Oh," Shawn said, remembering. "Tsahik has said I must come to her, to tell what I learn."

"That can wait until morning," Rai'uk assured her.

"I will forget..." Shawn said uncertainly.

"Then tell me," Rai'uk said reasonably. "It will help you remember, and I am curious to know what you have learned today."

"_Tam_," she said, delighted that Nice Rai'uk seemed to be making a comeback. "I will show you."

Shawn scampered off into the forest in a fit of high spirits, thrilled at the chance to escape the clan's scrutiny for a short while. Rai'uk followed with what might have been a laugh and quickly caught up with her. Shawn proceeded to show him all she learned that day, chattering away both from nerves and enthusiasm. Rai'uk remained silent for the most part, only adding a tidbit of information occasionally when the opportunity arose. They gathered food as they went so that they would not come empty handed to Iley's fire.

Although it was somewhat unnerving to be alone with Rai'uk, Shawn was glad of the opportunity. As long as she didn't think too carefully about it, she could almost pretend that he was just a new friend. She wasn't so comfortable in her skin—both figuratively and literally—that she could afford to turn down a potential friendship even if she hadn't had a very pressing reason to pursue this particular one. Shawn thought of making tsaheylu with him again and stumbled slightly, blushing when Rai'uk steadied her.

"You are anxious again," he commented. "What is it?"

"You know all my thoughts?" Shawn huffed somewhat irritably.

"I think everyone knows your thoughts," Rai'uk said dryly. "They are all over your face like freckles."

"Oh," Shawn murmured, said freckles shining brightly with embarrassment.

"What is bothering you?" Rai'uk pressed.

"Tsaheylu," Shawn whispered.

"Ah," Rai'uk said with a frown. "You still fear me."

"Not fear," Shawn muttered. "Not like...not like danger fear. I fear I cannot trust, can never...love."

There, she had said it. And so what if it sounded foolish, she thought defiantly. She was going to spend the rest of her life with this man. Surely there was no shame in expecting love in time. The future seemed too bleak to contemplate, otherwise. Shawn watched Rai'uk warily as he gazed thoughtfully back at her. He motioned for her to put down the basket of fruit she carried and took her hand.

"Sit with me," he said. "We will face this fear together."

"Now?" she asked nervously.

"Why not now?" Rai'uk shrugged.

"Iley waits for us," Shawn pointed out.

"We have time," Rai'uk said dismissively, and tugged her down next to him. He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her to face him. "I am your mate. You must not fear me."

"You give me reason to fear," Shawn challenged.

"Show me," Rai'uk insisted, holding up his queue.

Shawn hesitated, thinking uneasily of the intense sensations she experienced had the first time. While not exactly painful, it wasn't something she was eager to repeat, either. Don't be a baby, she chastised herself. You have to try to make this work. Shawn took a deep breath and brought her queue to Rai'uk's, bracing herself against what she thought was coming. What she actually felt was both more and less than what she had experienced the night she joined with Rai'uk. It was thankfully less intense, but this time she got more coherent thought and emotion from her mate. Most prominent was a great deal of stress and worry over the vast number of people he was now responsible for.

There was also considerable anxiety concerning his mate. She saw a brief flash of herself turning her back and disappearing into the forest. She felt his confusion and disappointment as well was his eventual realization of what had offended her. She wondered what he was getting from her. The thought of him seeing how...pathetic she had been was unsettling, but she pushed it away. That was the whole point of this exercise, after all. His eyes were closed and he was frowning. Feeling her mental fidgeting through the link, he opened his eyes and looked at her solemnly.

"Trust me, Sha'ni," he said quietly, "and I will not disappoint you."

"I will try," she promised.

"That is all I can ask," Rai'uk said, squeezing her hand. "For now."

"Iley is waiting," Shawn commented, quickly becoming uncomfortable now that the initial exchange was over.

Rai'uk obligingly disconnected his queue and stood, pulling her up with him. They made their way back to camp silently, both absorbed in their thoughts. Somehow her promise to Rai'uk smacked of apology. How had that happened? Wasn't _he_ the one who ought to apologize? But he had, Shawn remembered. At least as much as he was ever going to, if Syulang was to be believed. And he had corrected the problem, for the most part. The ball was in fact in her court. Shawn didn't know whether to be relieved or frightened.

"Good evening, Olo'eyktan," Iley said as they approached his fire. He smiled warmly at Shawn. "Tsahik'tsyip."

"Good evening," Shawn said with a smile in return. She held out her basket of fruit. "We bring this for you."

"I see you have learned well today, Sha'ni," Iley said as he passed around the fruit, many of which he had shown her earlier in the day. The young man sitting beside him flicked Iley with his tail surreptitiously and the older man smiled fondly. "Olo'eyktan,Tsahik...I present to you my sons, Tirantu and Zerok."

"I am honored to know you both," Rai'uk said solemnly. "And I am grateful for the meal you share with us. I see your father did not exaggerate—it is indeed a fine catch."

"It was Zerok's kill," Tirantu said proudly, grinning as his brother's freckles glowed. "Once we have settled at Hometree he will make Iknimaya."

"Well done," Rai'uk said sincerely.

"We will celebrate, yes?" Shawn said tentatively, looking to Rai'uk for confirmation. "When we are home. It will be a good way to begin new...new place, new life."

"Indeed," Rai'uk agreed. "We will celebrate several new hunters, I think. Iley, my friend, do you know who else will be going through their trials? I know of one other, a young woman named Winyayo..."

Shawn listened to the men talk, absorbing information and language passively as she people-watched. Several people joined them for the meal; presumably friends of Iley and his family. Most had something to contribute, but not all. She wondered how strict the Na'vi were in terms of reciprocity and made a mental note to see if they brought Iley anything the next day—if she remembered and if she could do it without looking like a creeper, anyway. She had a lot of watching—and learning—to do if she were to pull this off.

"Tsahik?" someone asked in a tone that suggested it was a second or even third attempt.

"Apologies," Shawn said quickly, shaking her head to clear it. "Say again?"

"We were hoping you would share a song with us," the woman—what was her name?-said shyly. "All we know of the Sky People are doctors and gunships."

"Oh," Shawn said weakly. "Um...I am not a good singer. Not like Ninat."

"Not many are," Iley said dryly. "Come, Tsahik'tsyip, grant us a song. We wish to learn more of our new sister."

Shawn hesitated, making demure noises of protest. Rai'uk leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"You should do this," he urged. "Remember our vision—we will have to live with the Sky People as brothers and sisters. It begins now, with people who are willing to learn."

Shawn sighed. "You are always right."

"Not always," he disagreed with a small smile, and brushed a hand across her back.

"_Tam_," she said, trying to sound enthusiastic. "I do not know many songs, and I am not a good singer. But there is one...all Sky People from my—my clan- know this song. They sing for Pandora...for this world. Rai'uk, you will speak my words?"

Rai'uk nodded solemnly, agreeing to translate. Shawn cleared her throat nervously and after a couple of false starts, began,

"_Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high_

_ There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby._

_ Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue_

_ And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true..."_

When she finished, there were several beats of silence. Shawn looked down, surprised by the tears pricking her eyes. It wasn't homesickness, precisely. It felt more like mourning, perhaps for the people left on that cold, dead rock who would never see the magical land over the rainbow. Shawn shifted uneasily, feeling uncomfortably vulnerable and alone. For the first time since leaving Hell's Gate, she felt not only like a stranger, but like an alien. She wished someone would say something.

"Tsahik," someone asked very seriously, granting her wish. "What is 'lemondrops'?"

Shawn, shocked out of her depressing thoughts, struggled to keep her composure. She cleared her throat several times and did her best to explain about human confections. Luckily they grasped the concept quickly and went on to praise the song and the singer, picking apart the phrases and admiring the imagery. Iley made her promise to teach it to the tribe's singers so that they could honor their Tsahik. Shawn was touched by the sentiment and readily agreed.

"Sha'ni," Rai'uk said as they left Iley's fire. "You are very quiet. The song made you sad, didn't it?"

"Yes," she admitted. Her lips quirked as she remembered her clan mates' confusion over lemon drops and chimneys. They were so earnest, thinking that these words they didn't understand had some spiritual meaning. "But after, I laugh."

"You are still sad," Rai'uk pressed.

"Little, only," she assured him. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and bit her lip. "Perhaps...I show you?"

"I would like that, Sha'ni," Rai'uk said, granting her a rare smile. "Come, let us find a place to sleep."

Shawn let Rai'uk take her hand and lead her away. They found a relatively secluded patch of moss and sat down. Shawn fiddled with her queue, unsure of how to begin. It felt awkward to just hand it to him. Rai'uk patted her hand comfortingly and stretched out on his back with a sigh. Shawn followed suit and turned her head to look at her mate.

"I enjoyed your song," Rai'uk said, staring upwards. "And I think you chose well. Too many see the Sky People only as demons."

"Many are," Shawn said regretfully. "Many souls...twisted. By greed, selfishness. Fear."

"Not yours," Rai'uk said, rolling over to face her. "And I can't believe a clan with songs like your Rainbow is full of demons. Will you show me why it upset you? I never felt any homesickness when we joined..."

"It is not that," Shawn sighed. She pulled her queue forward and held it out to him. "I show...I cannot explain."

Rai'uk connected their queues and she let her mind open, letting him feel what she felt. She thought of the news broadcast she had seen in her parents' data files from when they were in college and Pandora had just been discovered. They had played the original sung by Judy Garland and from then on the song became associated with Pandora and with salvation. Somewhere over the rainbow no longer meant munchkins and lollipops but the future of a species.

After several minutes Rai'uk opened his eyes and reached out to stroke Shawn's hair. The look in his eyes was equal parts pity, compassion, and firmness.

"I am sorry for your birth world, little one," he began.

"But we did this," she finished. "I know."

"Not you," he disagreed. "You have only sought to learn and to do good. I have seen this. You are not one of them anymore, if you were ever truly one of them to begin with. You are Na'vi, Sha'ni."

"I am lucky to be here, whatever I am," Shawn sighed, and fell asleep with her hand clasped in her mate's.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning Shawn found herself alone. She sat up, looking around for Rai'uk, but he was nowhere to be seen. She wondered briefly if she was offended, then shrugged. If it meant anything at all, it was probably just that he was being considerate by not waking her. She got up and went in search of Ninat and Syulang, hoping that she could find them in time to go swimming before the clan started moving for the day. It might be a bit of a crunch, but she was still feeling uncomfortably fragile after her emotional experience the night before and felt she deserved some time with her friends.

"Ninat!" she called, catching sight of the singer. "Good morning, sister. Where is Syulang?"

"Around," Ninat said vaguely. "I think she went hunting with some others. Why?"

"I wish to swim, and to talk," Shawn replied. "Will you come?"

"Do you think we have time?" Ninat asked, surprised.

"If we hurry," Shawn said eagerly. "I know where there is water. I saw yesterday with Rai'uk."

"Really," Ninat said interestedly. "Lead on, then, little sister."

Shawn and Ninat enjoyed a quick dip and some girl talk and caught up with the clan before they had gone far. If Rai'uk disapproved, he kept it to himself. Mo'at, however, chastised her gently for forgetting to report on her lesson the day before. Shawn's tail swished guiltily. While the delay had originally been Rai'uk's fault, she _had_ meant to do it first thing in the morning. Mo'at laughed and patted her cheek and forgave her young charge completely once she found that Shawn's report was both thorough and energetic.

Shawn's immersion therapy of the cultural variety continued through the morning, though Mo'at assured her that she could go into the forest with Iley again in the afternoon. As Shawn helped Iley gather the children however, everyone's plans and progress were interrupted by the harsh sound of a chopper approaching overhead. Shawn stared along with everyone else, wondering what was going on. Two ikran riders seemed to be keeping pace with it, although they soon dove and disappeared into the trees. It didn't take long for the riders to appear.

"Peyral!" Shawn cried, and hurried over to her friend. "Why are you here? Is Neytiri with you?"

"No," Peyral replied apologetically. "She had to stay with the clan. Toruk Makto has come to see you."

"Hey, squirt," Jake said with a grin, joining them.

"Greetings, Toruk Makto," Rai'uk said, approaching quickly. "Is all well with the Omaticaya? Why do Sky People fly with you?"

"I apologize for this intrusion, brother," Jake said formally. "I have thought long before allowing them to come. They wish to speak with Sha'ni, and I do not think it right to deny them."

"Who wishes to speak with her?" Rai'uk asked, frowning.

"Norm Spellman and Joanne Teague, a toktor from the base," Jake answered, flicking a sympathetic glance at Shawn. "They are friends, and concerned. You or I would feel the same if one of our clan members disappeared with no warning and no explanation."

Rai'uk's mouth tightened but he nodded grudgingly. "I understand. Sha'ni? Do you wish to speak to these people?"

"No," she said vehemently, swallowing. How could she possibly face them?

"No?" Rai'uk repeated, surprised.

"Don't be a brat, Shawny," Jake said sternly in English. "They're your friends, and they've been worried out of their minds. Yeah, it's going to be awkward with Norm, but they need to know that you're alright. They've been buzzing my transmitter non-stop for two weeks."

"You could have told them anything they need to know," Shawn muttered.

"They deserve to hear it from you," he said firmly. "Come on, squirt."

"Come," Rai'uk agreed. "You must do this, Sha'ni."

"You are...very calm," Shawn commented in Na'vi, annoyed that he was taking Jake's side. "You have seen Norm in tsaheylu. This does not displease you?"

Rai'uk shrugged. "You are my mate."

The implication being that there's nothing Norm Spellman can do about it, Shawn thought grimly. Well, it was true. Rai'uk could afford to be gracious. Shawn followed Jake with Rai'uk and Peyral on either side of her. She was glad Rai'uk was tactful enough not to hold her hand. This was going to be awkward enough as it was. Peyral put an arm around her comfortingly and walked with her in silence.

Norm and Joanne were waiting by the chopper, surrounded by curious but wary Na'vi. Shawn noticed that Norm's avatar had healed successfully, though he seemed a little unsteady. Norm's eyes widened when he saw her and took a hesitant step forward. Shawn sighed and cast a reproachful look at her mate before stepping out to meet him. This was _not _a conversation she wanted to have in front of an audience. Evidently Norm felt the same.

"Um, Shawny, can we...talk privately for a few minutes?" he asked uncomfortably.

"Not really," Shawn said bluntly. "It's not appropriate...and impossible, anyway. What are you doing here, Norm?"

"You have to ask?" Norm cried. "We're here to bring you home."

Shawn blinked and stared back at him blankly. The thought had never occurred to her.

"I am home," she said. "I'm not human anymore. I don't belong there."

"Shawny, honey," Joanne said, sounding stricken. "Don't say that. You're as human as we are. Just because your human body is...gone...that doesn't change who you are."

"I'm Na'vi," she said softly. "I was called here for a reason. I have...a vocation, I guess. I'm supposed to be here."

"No, you're not," Norm insisted. "You belong with us. We're taking you home."

"Norm, it's her decision," Jake protested. "If this is what she wants..."

"She doesn't have the capacity to make that decision," Norm snapped. "She's been severely depressed for weeks, possibly even schizophrenic, and now she's been brainwashed into-"

"Excuse me?" Shawn demanded. "You think I'm _schizophrenic_? After all your talk about how I should listen to Eywa?"

"I didn't mean you should break into the link room and take off into semi-hostile territory in the middle of the night!" Norm said heatedly. "That kind of behavior is completely irrational and reckless—you _killed_ your human body, Shawn. It's a miracle you're alive at all. Just come home and we'll sort everything out."

Norm grasped her arm, clearly intending to guide to the chopper, and found himself face to face with Rai'uk.

"You will not touch my mate, Normspellman," he said calmly.

"Your _what_?"

"His mate," Shawn said, lifting her chin defiantly and jerking her arm out of Norm's grasp. "This is Rai'uk. We're mated before Eywa."

"No," Norm breathed, looking like someone had kicked him in the gut. He quickly rallied. "It doesn't matter, Shawny. Whatever they pressured you into doing, it doesn't matter. Just come home."

"Doesn't matter?" Shawn repeated, uncomprehending.

"It's a Na'vi practice, not a human one," Norm insisted. "You don't have to stay here."

"Norm," Jake said warningly.

"Oh, back off," Joanne snapped. "From what you told us, she didn't have a choice. Well, now she does."

"Shawny, please," Norm begged. "Jake says we'll be allowed to resume our work soon. You won't be cooped up anymore—everything will go back to normal. Come home with us—with me. Please. I'm so sorry—I didn't mean what I said before, I swear. Please say you'll come."

Shawn stared, insensible of the deathly silence that had fallen over the watching crowd. Even those who did not understand English understood that something serious was happening. She considered the foreign, unsettling concept that had been presented to her: bonding as a primitive native practice that could be set aside. Or it could be considered in the more politically correct light of divorce or annulment. She glanced back at Rai'uk, whose face remained stiff and impassive, though she knew he had heard and understood every word. She saw Ninat, clutching Peyral's hand anxiously. She saw a seed of doubt take root in Jake's troubled face. With a few notable exceptions, everything the avatars said had merit...she herself had felt that she hadn't had a choice in the matter. And yet...

"Shawny," Norm pleaded, perhaps sensing her growing resolve. "I love you. Please, don't...don't do this."

"You have friends back there," Joanne urged. "You have a family."

"No," Shawn said abruptly, startling herself. "My family is here."

"Shawny..."

"I'm sorry," she said, more gently. "You've been a good friend, Joanne. I know you're worried and I appreciate your concern. But this is what I want. Norm...I'm sorry."

Shawn resolutely turned her back and went to Ninat and Peyral, who received her with open arms and meaningless but comforting noises. Shawn allowed them to usher her away, glad that she could leave it to Rai'uk and Jake to dismiss the avatars. Although a small part of her was desperately afraid at having burned the last bridge to her old life, the rest of her simply felt relief.

Ninat and Peyral took her to Mo'at, who appeared to be meditating. Shawn stood between her friends, wondering if Mo'at knew what had happened. Mo'at opened her eyes and smiled, gracefully rising to her feet. She placed a hand on each of Shawn's shoulders and squeezed gently.

"What do you feel, my child?" she asked.

"I feel many things, Tsahik," she said, eyes stinging with belated tears. "But mostly joy."

Mo'at blinked rapidly, as if fighting tears herself. "We are honored by your choice to remain, Sha'ni."

"You thought I would go?" Shawn asked, surprised.

"I could not have blamed you if you had," Mo'at sighed, then seemed to shake herself. "Peyral, you will bring our greetings to my daughter?"

"Of course, Tsahik," Peyral said. "She would have come herself, but they agreed it would be better if Zheyksuli came instead."

"I understand," Mo'at assured her.

"Tsahik...how long will you stay with the Anurai?" Peyral asked hesitantly.

"As long as Sha'ni needs me," Mo'at said simply. She smiled comfortingly at her daughter's friend. "I will visit my people as soon as the dedication ceremonies and the rites of adulthood for those who undertake them are completed. Does my daughter require my assistance?"

"No, no," Peyral hastened to assure her. "She only misses her mother."

"You will bring her my love," Mo'at said. "And tell her I will be home soon."

"I will," Peyral promised as the roar of a chopper taking off filled the air. "I think we're leaving. Zheyksuli is coming."

"I see you, Mother," Jake said, signing a greeting to Mo'at.

"I see you, my son," Mo'at replied warmly. "You did well to bring the Dreamwalkers here."

"I'm glad you think so," Jake said unhappily. "I'm beginning to have some doubts. Did you hear?"

"No, but I could guess," Mo'at said. "What other urgent matter could the Sky People have with Sha'ni?"

"The things they said, Tsahik," Ninat said mournfully, shaking her head. "I am glad you did not hear."

"They were upset," Jake protested. "Norm wasn't thinking clearly."

"He said it badly," Shawn disagreed, still upset with her former boyfriend. "But he believed all he said."

"I know, Sha'ni," Jake sighed, ears drooping. "Norm is a good man...he just..."

"His spirit is suffering," Mo'at said gently. "Do not judge too harshly, my children."

"Thank you, Mother," Jake said, smiling weakly. "We will leave you now. You still have a long way to travel."

"_Eywa ngahu, ma'itan_," Mo'at said, laying a hand over her son-in-law's heart. "And you, Peyral."

"_Eywa ngahu, ma'Tsahik_," Peyral replied. "Goodbye, sisters. Give my love to Syulang, when you see her."

"We will see you soon," Ninat said, embracing the huntress.

Shawn followed suit and the Omaticaya took their leave. Shawn sighed and rubbed her temples, feeling like the stress of the past few days was catching up with her. Ninat rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Come, child," Mo'at said. "I wish you to accompany me in the forest until we stop for the evening meal. There are many things Tsahik can use to heal both the spirit and the body. When we are done you will be able to make yourself something to calm your spirit. Ninat, will you join us?"

Mo'at's lesson and Ninat's calming presence provided a welcome distraction from anxious recollections and lingering guilt over her frigid manner with Norm. Perhaps it was for the best, but she didn't like hurting anyone that way. Shawn did her best to concentrate on her lessons and put it from her mind. After a while, entertaining guilty thoughts simply seemed like too much effort and Shawn readily gave herself over to Mo'at's instruction. The brew she prepared for herself under Mo'at's guidance helped considerably. It made her feel pleasantly drowsy and relaxed, so that she only blinked and smiled sleepily when Rai'uk joined her for the night.

"I am sorry for what happened this afternoon," he said softly, reaching out to stroke her hair. "I should not have allowed it."

"No," Shawn sighed. "It is better. Now I know I belong...this time, I choose. I choose to be Na'vi, to be Tsahik. To be with you."

"I'm glad," Rai'uk murmured and took her hand.

"Me too," Shawn said, still faintly surprised by this fact.

Shawn woke the next morning feeling refreshed both mentally and physically. She stretched and looked around, unsurprised to find herself alone again. It seemed that Rai'uk was an early riser. She got up and went to find Mo'at, ready to begin the routine that governed her days for the rest of the journey, which turned out to be blessedly uneventful. The most dramatic events—at least for Shawn—proved to be Syulang's intense disappointment over missing the encounter with the avatars and Ninat's eventual eruption in response to Syulang's continual teasing over Ateyo.

When they finally came within sight of their Kelutral, a ripple of excitement passed through the string of pilgrims. It was magnificent, Shawn thought, completely awestruck. She had only seen the massive trees in holographs; the reality was overwhelming. The scope was impossible to capture through digital images. It was bigger than anything Shawn could have imagined. With the huge waterfalls bursting out of the mountains in the distance as a backdrop, the sight was simply breathtaking.

"What do you think?" Rai'uk asked, coming to stand beside her. He crossed his arms and gazed proudly at the kelutral.

"I think we are home," Shawn replied, smiling happily.

"Good, because I have a homecoming gift for you," Rai'uk said, and held out a necklace of braided fibers woven around a shiny, iridescent rock.

Shawn took the necklace, turning over in her hands with murmurs of surprised appreciation. She fastened it around her neck and smiled up at her mate. He eyed the necklace with a pleased expression and seemed gratified by her obvious delight.

"Thank you," she said sincerely. "It is beautiful. You made this?"

"I did," he confirmed, touching the stone where it settled just below the hollow of her throat.

"I am proud to wear it," she said, reaching out shyly.

Rai'uk took her hand and pressed it briefly against his cheek, smiling. Shawn's breath hitched and she looked down so he wouldn't see her freckles shine. Without releasing her hand, Rai'uk continued on toward the kelutral with a spring in his step. Everyone's pace seemed to acquire a little bounce as they came closer and closer to home. Shawn thought with a jolt of nervousness that real life was about to begin. She wondered what her training and day-to-day activities would be like once everyone was settled in.

That evening, Shawn was surprised when Rai'uk called a halt. They were close enough that they could make it to the kelutral if they made a late night of it. Perhaps he wanted to get there the next morning so people would be able to start settling themselves? But no, there was Mo'at, approaching her with a preemptively soothing expression on her face. Which, of course, caused Shawn to become instantly wary.

"Why do we stop, Mo'at?" Shawn asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.

"Because you must be able to perform the dedication ceremony when we reach our new home," Mo'at said. "For that, you must be formally accepted by the people and take your place as Tsahik. For that, you must undergo Uniltaron."

"Oh," Shawn said, having nothing better to say.

"Come," Mo'at said. "We will meditate until it is time. Your sisters of the tsmuke'awsiteng will catch the kali'weya. When did you last eat?"

"Hours ago," Shawn replied somewhat plaintively, hoping she could use a meal to delay the inevitable.

"Good," Mo'at said briskly, and Shawn's face fell. "A full belly inhibits the trance and will make you sick. Come with me."

Shawn followed her teacher reluctantly into the forest and obeyed when Mo'at motioned for her to sit. Mo'at spent some time positioning Shawn's limbs and correcting her posture until she was satisfied. She guided Shawn in several breathing exercises and went on in a gentle voice, telling her to open her mind and her senses to the forest around her. Soon, the sense of time passing seemed to disappear completely and Shawn merely drifted, much like she had done in the darkness within the Tree of Souls.

When Mo'at gently touched her shoulder, Shawn was shocked to see that full night had fallen. She could see the bright form of Polyphemus overhead through the trees. The forest around her was lit up like Christmas. Suddenly a long-buried memory surfaced, showing her an artificial Christmas tree sparkling with tiny lights and hung with home-made ornaments. She saw her mother's face more clearly than she had in years. She remembered the feel of her father's large, rough hand clasped around her small one.

"You have begun to purify your mind," Mo'at told her, noticing Shawn's startled twitch. "It often shakes memories loose... let it happen. "

"Mm," Shawn replied, feeling oddly detached.

She followed Mo'at back to camp, where the clan was gathered around a single fire. Everyone was seated calmly and silently. Solemn faces fixed on hers as she followed Mo'at through the crowd. Rai'uk, Ninat, and Syulang were waiting for her at the center. Ninat held a small jar. Shawn quickly looked away, trying to hold on to the calm, detached feeling brought on by several hours of mediation. Rai'uk guided her to a place near the fire and pressed on her shoulders, indicating that she was to sit. Shawn obeyed, and was relieved when he knelt as well and kept his hands on her shoulders.

"O, People," Mo'at said in a voice just loud enough to carry. "We have all faced great sorrow. All of you here this night have left your clans and your loved ones, or have neither clans nor loved ones any longer. You have come to join together in your pain to create a new clan and form new bonds of love. Tonight, the flight of refugees ends and the rebirth of the Anurai clan begins.

It begins with the birth of your Tsahik. All of you are here because you recognize the great gift you have been given—the beginning of peace. Sha'ni, the Dreamer, has answered Eywa's call and tied her fate to ours. Because of this Dreamer, we will know peace with the Sky People. Tonight, we welcome her as one of our own."

Mo'at nodded to Ninat, and before Shawn could open her mouth to ask what, exactly, was supposed to happen, Ninat deftly plucked the arachnoid out of the jar and tossed it to Shawn. Shawn instinctively reached out to catch it, realizing much too late what was going to happen. The arachnoid's stinger plunged into her wrist, sending venom shooting through her veins. Shawn gasped, stunned at how quickly the poison went to work. Her head spun and her stomach lurched. Shawn heaved, but she had nothing in her stomach to bring up. Dimly she was aware of Rai'uk rubbing her shoulders as she began to hyperventilate.

"Be calm, my child," Mo'at said soothingly. "Remember your breathing. Breathe deeply...and hold...and release. Yes, that is the way, Sha'ni..."

Shawn followed Mo'at's instructions with difficulty, trying to relax and let it happen. The drumming and singing, which Shawn was fairly certain was supposed to ease—or at least, aid—the process, merely made her head and stomach throb in time. It felt an awful lot like dying to a mind scrambled by toxins. As darkness began to creep along the edges of her vision, it abruptly occurred to Shawn that, no matter how much she freaked out, it (something, anyway) was going to happen. She could keep fighting and prolong an intensely uncomfortable experience, or she could just...let go.

With a relieved sigh, Shawn stopped fighting. As soon as she did, the most extraordinary thing happened. She felt completely fine—stone cold sober. She sat up and looked at Mo'at anxiously, wondering if something had gone wrong, but she couldn't seem to catch her teacher's eye. Mo'at was staring intently at something behind Shawn. Shawn turned to see what Mo'at was looking at and yelped. It was her own body, lying prone on the ground. Syulang and Ninat each held one of her hands. Rai'uk sat near her head, looking determinedly unconcerned.

"What now?" Shawn wondered aloud, fairly sure that no one could hear her. "How am I supposed to hunt for something when I don't know what I'm hunting for? And when I don't know the first thing about hunting, anyway?"

Shawn loitered a while longer, amusing herself by passing her hand through her mate's head and hoping some flash of inspiration would strike. When even that ceased to entertain her, she sighed in frustration and shrugged. She might as well enjoy herself while she waited. She would explore the maze of rivers that surrounded the kelutral, something she had been itching to do for the past two days. With the pleasantly sneaky feeling that comes from an act for which one seeks forgiveness rather than permission, Shawn gleefully scampered into the forest.

At the first opportunity, Shawn eagerly immersed herself in the water and set off, swimming downstream. She dove to the bottom and wove her way among the glowing plants, noting unfamiliar flora and fauna with eager interest. It had always struck Shawn as ironic that, while Pandora's forests crawled with deadly creatures and a few very unpleasant characters lurked in the murky lowland lakes, Pandora's rivers were completely devoid of dangerous predators.

On Pandora, the charm of running water wasn't an old wives' tale. It truly was the safest place to be, if you knew how to swim well. Surprisingly, not many Na'vi did; especially not the old or the very traditional. This was due to some—Shawn thought—very silly superstitions about running water carrying a person's spirit away from the body. Shawn reflected that hers must be a very liberal and progressive clan, to accept a tawtute Tsahik and choose to live surrounded by running water.

Shawn let the current carry her for some time, until an odd looking creature on the bank caught her eye. It popped out from between the roots of a tree and slipped easily into the water. Shawn paddled over to take a closer look, and was pleased to find that the animal seemed to be just as curious about her. It circled her underneath the water, cocking its head quizzically and poking her with its beak-like snout. Shawn inspected it in turn, noting the long, sinuous body and six short limbs equipped with webbed feet that were rather like a duck's, but more compact. It reminded her of an otter, or perhaps a muskrat.

Shawn followed the little animal as it zoomed away to find its dinner and was surprised to find that she could keep up. It was only when she snapped up a small fish herself that she realized that her form had changed to mirror that of the river-cat. Delighted with this development, she raced after her companion and gave a lithe little twirl, reveling in her new-found agility and grace. If only she could hold onto this form, so perfectly suited to her favorite environment!

Much too soon for Shawn's liking, she began to feel curiously faint. She could feel the nausea lapping at her consciousness like little wavelets. She focused on some particularly interesting weeds, hoping that the feeling would go away if she ignored it. But, she reflected sourly, when had that tactic ever worked for her? Na'vi once more, she draped herself over a protruding rock and tried to execute the breathing exercises that Mo'at had taught her. As before, they helped...very slightly. This time, Shawn did not even attempt to resist and gave herself over to the unpleasant sensations until darkness overtook her.

Shawn moaned and opened her eyes, taking deep breaths through her nose. Someone gently lifted her head and dripped some watered nectar onto her lips. Her tongue flicked out weakly but eagerly, searching for more when the drops were gone. Someone—Rai'uk-chuckled and sprinkled more into her mouth. When she had recovered somewhat, he helped her to a sitting position. Shawn leaned against him, grateful for the support, and looked around. Many faces beamed back at her, but just as many (if not more) were propped against each other or spread out on the ground, fast asleep.

"How long...?"

"Many hours," Rai'uk told her. "It's halfway to dawn."

"Oh," Shawn said, feeling vaguely guilty at having taken so long.

"This is normal," Rai'uk assured her, seeming to read her mind as he often did.

"Mm," Shawn grunted agreeably, and asked hopefully, "We can sleep now?"

"Not yet," Rai'uk said with a wry smile. "Now we will formally recognize you as one of the People and I will welcome you to the Anurai clan. This is very special, my Sha'ni. It has been a clan of one for too long."

"We are not all Anurai?" Shawn asked, confused.

"Not yet," Rai'uk said. "When we reach Hometree, you will perform a ceremony to bind us all together as one clan. Then we will all be Anurai."

"Oh," Shawn said, trying to sound enthusiastic. She was definitely not looking forward to her first official act as Tsahik, and this made her feel ashamed and even more unworthy than usual.

"Come," Rai'uk said, helping her to her feet. "Refresh yourself while I let Mo'at know that you have completed your journey safely."

Shawn nodded and made her way towards the nearest stream, where she splashed some water on her face. It helped, but only slightly. By the time she returned to Rai'uk's side, she was just as wiped out as she had been when she woke up. Mo'at smiled brilliantly and Shawn perked up, wondering what she had done to warrant such a reception.

"Welcome, sister," Mo'at said, and Shawn realized that this was the first time she had been so addressed by the elder Tsahik. "What did you find on your hunt?"

"A...I do not know its name," Shawn replied, trying to concentrate. "Small, like so...it lives in the river and had a mouth like this."

Shawn did her best to illustrate with her hands and was gratified by Mo'at's nod of understanding.

"This is unusual, but fitting, I think," Mo'at said. "The yom'payoang is a special creature. During the day it sends its spirit out on the river's current while its body lies safe in its den. No, I am not surprised."

"Rai'uk, what is your spirit animal?" Shawn asked, sleepy but curious.

"The palulukan," Rai'uk said with a wry smile. "Predictably."

"And you, Tsahik?"

"The ikranay," Mo'at replied. "Sha'ni, your spirit animal is not something to be shared with everyone. Knowledge of a person's spirit animal is a powerful charm and can be used against you."

"Then why did you tell me?" Shawn asked stupidly, and Mo'at laughed.

"Because I trust you, silly child," Mo'at said fondly. "Come now, we have one more task before you sleep."

The formal acceptance ceremony passed for the most part in a blur for Shawn. Syulang and Ninat painted swirling patterns on her body while she slipped in an out of sleep. At their urging, she took her place beside Rai'uk. She was dimly aware of Tsahik and Rai'uk making speeches of some kind and several pairs of hands touching her back and shoulders, but she felt and remembered most clearly Rai'uk's warm palm over her heart. Although Shawn was moved nearly to tears by the People's wordless promise of support and shelter, a small part of her just wanted everyone to go away so she could sleep. Eventually, after much singing and back-slapping, her small, selfish wish was granted and everyone wandered off to rest for a few hours before they made the final trek to Kelutral.

With a sigh, Shawn followed Rai'uk into the forest, although she would gladly have dropped where she stood. She lay beside him on a bed of moss and rubbed her face into the soft fibers, relieved beyond reckoning to be on the brink of sleep at last. Her last thought before sleep claimed her was of Rai'uk's hand on her heart and how nice it would be to feel it there again. Shawn tried to gather her wits, but slipped away before she could frame a request.


	7. Chapter 7

Shawn sat on the living room floor, playing with a small Na'vi doll and a stuffed cat. She could hear her parents in the kitchen, talking as they made dinner. Shawn paused, for, under the clatter of dinner plates and silverware being taken down from the cabinets, she could hear something strange in her mother's voice. She didn't recognize what it was, because had never heard a grown-up sound afraid before. She put her doll down and listened.

"Soph, you're being ridiculous," her father said lightly. "It was just a dream."

"There's nothing ridiculous about being prepared," her mother insisted. "We should have made arrangements for Shawn before now, just in case. And they aren't just dreams. I knew before my mother died..."

"Honey, she had cancer."

"She'd been fighting it for five years and nothing like that ever happened," her mother argued. "Not even a sniff of gloom or doom in five years. Then I have this dream and she's gone two days later."

"She was in the toilet; it was obvious she couldn't hold on much longer," her father argued back. "Your subconscious was just telling you what you didn't want to hear."

"Exactly!" her mother cried, exasperated. "The subconscious is aware of so much more than the conscious mind can process. Whatever these dreams are, we should pay attention. And it's not exactly far fetched that someone means us no good, not in our line of work."

"Fair enough," her father conceded. "But let's not get too alarmed; I don't want to upset Shawn. That kid catches every stray vibe that comes her way."

"Of course not," her mother agreed hastily, and in a bright, cheerful voice called, "Shawny, baby, dinner is ready."

Shawn blinked and she was once again surrounded by the People, welcomed as one of their own. At the time she had been too tired to be aware of anything but profound gratitude and the need to sleep. This time, however, she felt an unpleasant prickle between her shoulder blades. In her mind, two pairs of malevolent eyes glowed in the darkness. Shawn trembled and her breath came faster as the eyes grew both in size and intensity until it seemed they would swallow her up. The terror was sickening; she had never in her life encountered such unadulterated malice.

"Sha'ni," a distant voice said urgently. "Sha'ni!"

Shawn shot upright and lurched away, sprawling in the leaves.

"Mawey," her mate said soothingly, helping her to sit up. "You're alright."

"Rai'uk," Shawn gasped. "I—I dreamed...my mother...they did not die, they were killed. She knew...she dreamed also. And now... something wants to kill _me_. Someone..."

"I think you should show me," Rai'uk said gravely, and offered his queue.

Shawn connected her queue to his and huddled against him, tremors running through her body like aftershocks from the nightmare. She could feel Rai'uk sifting through the images and felt better knowing that he was between her and the evil presence in the dream. When he was through, he didn't disconnect his queue but instead lay down and drew her down with him so that she was just close enough to feel the warmth of his body. He rubbed a hand up and down her arm in a comforting rhythm.

"You do not tell me there is no truth in the dream," Shawn noted sleepily, soothed by the physical and mental contact.

"Perhaps there is, perhaps there is not," Rai'uk shrugged. "It doesn't matter; no harm will come to you while I breathe, Sha'ni."

"I know," Shawn realized, and felt the fear suddenly leave her. "Rai'uk?"

"Mm?"

"What was your Uniltaron like?" she asked curiously, not quite recovered enough from her nightmare to fall asleep just yet.

"Amazing," Rai'uk said, and she could feel his satisfaction and pleasure at the memory through the link. "Much too exciting for sleep, however. Will you show me yours?"

Shawn gladly remembered her experience and enjoyed Rai'uk's wordless amusement at the image of her hand passing through his head. She relived the experience with satisfaction doubled by Rai'uk's appreciation and curiosity. He wanted to swim with her, she discovered with surprise. He was looking forward to exploring the rivers with her once they were settled. For some reason this thought was accompanied by a sensation she couldn't quite wrap her head around. Though the sensation was gone almost as soon as it appeared, it unsettled her.

"You should try to sleep," Rai'uk murmured. "We will reach Hometree tomorrow and there will be much to do."

"What will I do?" she wondered with a pang of unease. "There is so much still to learn."

"You will keep learning," Rai'uk said simply. "That is all you can do. Sleep now, _yawne._"

Shawn took his advice and had a short but satisfying sleep before it was time to get up and move on to Hometree. Upon their arrival, Mo'at immediately took her aside and began explaining the process and chants for the ceremony that night. During breaks from memorization, Shawn meditated. While she found the exercises calming and even pleasurable, it was also exhausting in its own way. When Ninat and Syulang came to claim her company for a short foraging expedition before the evening meal, she was thrilled by Mo'at's response.

"Go, my child," Mo'at told her with a smile. "Relax for a while. You have worked hard, and you are ready."

"Thank you, Tsahik," Shawn said fervently, and the three friends dashed away like children from the school-yard.

After a short while, they slowed down and settled into an easy, ground-eating lope that carried them through the underbrush and along enormous tree branches. They spent the majority of their time simply exploring some of their new home but did remember to gather both fruit and small game long the way. Ninat, though not a sky hunter, was skilled with a slingshot and promised to teach Shawn, who contributed her share of protein in the form of mollusks and eggs found along the river's edge. Syulang peppered Shawn with questions about her Uniltaron and expressed great surprise at Shawn's spirit animal.

"Is it very strange?" Shawn asked, biting her lip.

"It's not unheard of," Ninat quickly assured her, knowing how sensitive her sister was to anything that marked her as different. "But it is rare."

"It fits, though," Syulang mused. "The yom'payoang is a spirit-traveler...like you, when you dream."

"Not the same," Shawn said with a frown, wondering how to explain her dreams.

"Well, not exactly, but close enough that it makes sense for the yom'payoang to be your spirit animal," Syulang amended, then grinned. "My old aunt always blamed my getting in trouble on the fact that my spirit is a nantang. What are you, Ninat?"

"Fkio," Ninat said with a fond smile, and Syulang snorted.

"I should have guessed," she said, rolling her eyes. "I wonder what Neytiri and Peyral are?"

"Peyral is angtsik," Ninat informed them, and Shawn remembered with some surprise that she and Syulang were newcomers to an already long established friendship between the other three. "Neytiri is ikran."

"They will not be angry for telling us?" Shawn asked tentatively. "Mo'at said spirit animal is secret..."

"We are tsmuke'awsiteng," Ninat assured her. "They would want you to know."

"It is almost time to meet again," Shawn remembered. "Three eight-nights."

"You're right!" Syulang exclaimed. "It's gone by so quickly."

The three young women continued back to Hometree with steps lightened both by the prospect of seeing their sisters again and the end of their long trek. They joked and laughed at every little thing, and Shawn did her best to restrain Syulang's glee when Ateyo crossed their path apparently by accident and struck up a conversation with Ninat. After extracting themselves (not altogether tactfully), Syulang went off to help prepare other hunters' kills for the feast and Shawn sought out her teacher. She found her perched on a massive branch that overlooked the central meeting area beneath the tree's monstrous roots.

"Look, Sha'ni," she said without turning around. "Look at your people. This is your home—it is a wonderful thing, is it not?"

"It is, Tsahik," Shawn replied softly, and seated herself next to Mo'at. "Only..."

"There is still danger," Mo'at acknowledged. "Rai'uk spoke to me of your dream. I am sad to say I am not completely surprised."

"What?" Shawn said, blinking. "You knew someone..."

"I have felt a...wrongness, a disturbance in the clan's energy," Mo'at explained. "I was not certain of its origin or meaning, but now...I think you should take heed, Sha'ni. The Sky People have destroyed many lives; it is not incredible that some should bear you ill will, even to the point of seeking you out to do you harm."

"What should I do?" Shawn wondered worriedly. As much faith as she had in Rai'uk's promise to protect her, he couldn't babysit her every hour of every day.

"You should pay attention," Mo'at said succinctly. "I will teach you how to See. Motive, intent, emotion...much is visible to those who know what to look for. You already See much without realizing it yourself, but you must learn to do this consciously so that you don't rely only on dreams. Do you understand?"

Shawn considered for a moment to be sure that she did, in fact, understand all that Tsahik had told her. Her language skills had improved enormously, but it still took some time to process unfamiliar words and longer speeches. She looked forward to that hazy "someday" when she would achieve complete fluency.

"I do, Tsahik," she affirmed, and thought of what Syulang had said about the yom'payoang being a spirit traveler.

"No, it is not the same," Mo'at agreed when Shawn shared Syulang's observation with her. "But it is a possibility for the future, certainly. Many never acquire this skill, but I think it very probable that you will."

"Oh," Shawn said, very much surprised and not undaunted by the prospect of yet another (no doubt difficult and time consuming) skill to learn.

Mo'at smiled. "Go now and rest a while before the ceremony, my child. It has been a long day for you."

Shawn wandered away to find some privacy, pondering her conversation with Mo'at and wondering if she was angry that Rai'uk had told Mo'at about her dream. While she hadn't sworn him to secrecy or even told him in confidence, exactly, she was more than a little uncomfortable with something so private being divulged by anyone but herself. He was just trying to help, Shawn told herself firmly. And it had helped, she had to admit. Left to her own devices, she probably would have kept the dream to herself out of embarrassment, never knowing that Mo'at already suspected something.

"Why are you always _right_?" Shawn grumbled, kicking an empty seed pod in annoyance and watching it bounce down through the branches.

"Sha'ni?" a voice called from somewhere below her. "Is that you?"

"Yes," she called back, and a few moments later Rai'uk appeared, looking pleased about something.

"Come with me," he said, grabbing her hand. "I have something to show you."

Rai'uk led her upwards through the tree's inner spiral until they were nearly in the canopy where the ikran roosted. In a less formidable specimen, the springy energy her mate exhibited could have been described as bouncy. In Rai'uk it was slightly disconcerting. It put her in mind of a large predator at play, full of potentially lethal exuberance. But it could only ever be lethal to others, never to her. The thought brought a smile to her face along with a strange thrill of wonder and pride.

"Here," he said, pushing aside a curtain made of ferns to reveal a natural hollow in the tree.

Shawn stepped into the chamber, gazing upward. It wasn't one body, Shawn realized. The chamber was made from vines grown around the massive branch and one another, winding upward toward the sun. Sunlight slanted through the cracks, creating intricate patterns of light and shadow on the floor and walls.

"It is beautiful," she murmured, feeling Rai'uk's hands on her shoulders.

"It's ours," he replied, squeezing gently. "This is where we will keep our belongings and hear any who wish to speak with us."

"Those who wish it enough to climb so far," Shawn suggested slyly, looking around to grin at her mate.

"Any who have need of our council," Rai'uk said gravely, though she thought she heard the slightest stress on 'need'. "Look up there, do you see the opening? We will hang our sleeping platform out there...and here are the handholds to climb up."

"As if it has been waiting for us," Shawn murmured, brushing a hand along the vines.

"Just so," he agreed. "Does it please you, _yawne_?"

"Very much," she assured him, feeling guilty for her irritation with him earlier.

"That is good," he said, reaching out to cup her face in his hands. "I want you to be happy, Sha'ni."

"I am happy," she insisted, wondering if he was standing closer than usual.

"Your eyes say otherwise," Rai'uk said with a frown.

His thumbs moved gently over her freckles. He was definitely closer, Shawn thought nervously. She lowered her eyes, staring without sight at his chest, only aware of the gradual invasion of her imaginary bubble of personal space. She stood motionless, torn between the desire to lean closer and a growing urge to flee.

"Sha'ni, look at me," Rai'uk commanded, and she found herself obeying without thought.

"I...I don't..." Shawn licked her dry lips and tore her gaze away from him, stepping backward. "I must go to Tsahik now. The ceremony."

"It won't start without you," Rai'uk said with a slight smile, reaching for her once more. "Or me."

"I must study," Shawn mumbled, trying to edge around him.

"Sha'ni..."

"Leave me be," she snapped. "You do not control, do not...you should not tell Tsahik my dream."

"What?" Rai'uk blinked at the seemingly unprovoked attack. "I told you I would protect you, Sha'ni."

"My dreams are mine to share. And so is my...my..." Shawn fell silent, unable to find the right words in her distress. She could feel the blood rushing to her face, causing her freckles to shine so brightly she almost thought they could light up the whole chamber. "You are not master."

"I am your mate," Rai'uk reminded her, his face darkening. "I have been patient. I have done everything I can think of to make you happy and ease your fears. If I have made mistakes, I have done my best to correct them. I am _trying_, Sha'ni. Yet after nearly three eight-nights still you flinch from my touch and cower like a child. You hide your eyes whenever I would make myself known to you...even in tsaheylu, you hide from me."

"You wish me to mate with you?" Shawn sneered weakly, struggling to hold onto her anger—and her courage. "Is that what you want?"

"No," Rai'uk said curtly. "I want a woman, Sha'ni, not a child. I am tired of watching where I step for fear of scaring you away. I will not stalk my mate like a yerik." He sighed heavily. "Go, then, as you plainly want to. Go and prepare for the ceremony, Tsahik'tsyip."

Shawn whirled away and all but threw herself down through the branches of the kelutral in her haste. When she reached the bottom, she skidded to a stop, barely stopping herself from knocking over her teacher.

"Steady, child," Mo'at cautioned. "I thought you were going to relax."

"I was," Shawn said quickly. "I am. Where are Ninat and Syulang?"

"Why do you not spend time with your mate?" Mo'at suggested. "He is worried about you."

"I—um—"

"Sha'ni," Mo'at said with a frown. "Whatever it is, running away will only make it worse. Did you quarrel with Rai'uk?"

Shawn wished she could say nothing, but she knew her guiltily swishing tail gave her away. Mo'at sighed and drew her away to a secluded alcove.

"Tell me," she commanded.

Reluctantly, Shawn recounted her argument with Rai'uk. She could practically feel the freckles on her face ignite individually as she went on and realized how juvenile it all sounded. To her surprise, however, Mo'at laid a sympathizing hand on her arm.

"We ask much of you, Sha'ni," Mo'at said. "You are so very, very young to take on this responsibility. My daughter is your age—slightly older, even—and she has been preparing herself for this role since she was an infant. And still she will not take my place for another season or two at least. I was older than either of you when I became Tsahik. Never mind the fact that you were not born to our ways or to the clan you are to lead. It is too much to ask of you alone, Sha'ni. You must let your mate support you."

"I do!" Shawn cried. "Or... I want to. But he want-"

"He wants a mate," Mo'at said gently. "A partner, not a ward."

Shawn shrugged helplessly, but had an uncomfortable feeling that she could probably guess at what the unfamiliar word meant.

"A child he must care for," Mo'at clarified with ruthless honesty. "It is unfortunate that your first experience with a man is in circumstances such as these, but you chose to stay when you could have gone back to the Sky People. You chose _him_. Now you must live with that choice."

"But what do I _do_?" Shawn asked, feeling very small. "I don't—I have never-"

"I'm not saying you should run off into the bushes with him right now," Mo'at said bluntly. "But he is your mate, and he cares for you. Let him show you. And, Sha'ni...remember that the burden he carries is as heavy as yours. He needs your support as much as you need his. Now go."

"Go?" Shawn asked stupidly.

"Yes, go," Mo'at said, flapping a hand impatiently. "Fix this."

"But—the ceremony-"

"The ceremony requires the clan's leaders to be united and strong," Mo'at informed her. "Do what you must to make it so."

Mo'at left her with a final pat on the shoulder and a stern look. Shawn groaned and leaned her head against the cool bark of Hometree. She had absolutely no idea how she was going to "fix this". Kiss and make up—literally? No, the thought of offering a hollow gesture left a sour taste in her mouth. And anyway, Rai'uk would see that it wasn't her idea and be even more angry with her. But what else was she supposed to do?

Shawn wandered back up Hometree's central spiral as she pondered her dilemma. Perhaps she would see Rai'uk and suddenly be moved to some spontaneous act of passion. Or better yet, perhaps she wouldn't see him at all until it was too late to do anything but proceed with the ceremony...Shawn clapped a hand to her forehead with a groan. It was precisely this kind of cowardice that had put her in such an uncomfortable situation in the first place.

"Something wrong, Tsahik'tsyip?"

Shawn whirled around so fast she nearly fell off the branch she was standing on.

"Iley!" she cried. "No, nothing. Do you see—have you seen Rai'uk?"

"I believe he went downriver," Iley said with a twinkle in his eye. "Something about needing some berries for the feast."

"_Irayo_," Shawn said earnestly as a light bulb went off in her head. "Which river?"

"The eastern one," Iley told her. "Take your time, Tsahik'tsyip. We want the feast to be perfect, do we not?"

Shawn hurried in the direction of the eastern river, hoping she would find Rai'uk before she lost her nerve. She had only a vague inkling of a plan; the particulars were beyond her and frankly too scary to think about anyway. So she embraced the blank wall of nothing that was her immediate future and slipped along the riverbank until she came upon her mate staring moodily into the water.

"I see you, Sha'ni," Rai'uk said gravely when she emerged from the forest. Shawn made the traditional gesture of greeting, unable to speak. Rai'uk didn't notice or didn't mind, for he continued as if nothing were amiss. "You have learned well; I didn't hear you until you were quite close."

Shawn nodded, aware of a faint flicker of appreciation.. In the beginning, Syulang had been fond of comparing her to a baby talioang charging through the forest in search of its mother. It was good to know she had made some improvement. Shawn stared helplessly at her mate, hoping he would keep talking while she tried to gather her courage. When it became obvious that he would not, she felt her ears droop and her tail tuck itself hard against her legs involuntarily. Then, with conscious effort, she forced herself to breathe deeply and straighten her shoulders.

Shawn ducked into some concealing vegetation and removed her garments, grateful for the fact that the forest had fallen into its own peculiar twilight; the sun had set but the plants hadn't yet begun to glow. She draped her clothes over a conveniently placed branch and slipped into the water. She felt instantly calmer and more secure. Nothing could touch her here...unless she let them. Him. Figuratively, anyway.

"Rai'uk?" she called softly, and glided away from the river bank where he could see her. "You will swim with me?"

Shawn focused on the smile that lit up her mate's normally grave countenance rather than on the way he removed his loincloth with absolutely no indication of embarrassment or hesitation. He waded into the water until it reached his chest, then hesitated. Shawn frowned in puzzlement. Was he waiting for her to do something? It wasn't until he took a deep breath and pushed off into the deep water that she understood: Rai'uk couldn't swim. Not well, anyway. The realization made her laugh.

"Had I known this is what it would take to make you happy, I would have swallowed my pride weeks ago," Rai'uk said wryly as he paddled awkwardly toward her. "This pleases you, _yawne_?"

"Yes," she said with a smile. "Here, _I _am strong."

"You are strong wherever you are, Sha'ni," Rai'uk admonished.

"I mean stronger than you," Shawn said mischievously, and abruptly submerged herself. She swam underneath Rai'uk's feet and came up behind him, tweaking his tail. She laughed at his flailing, then immediately felt guilty. She was probably being mean.

"It's alright," Rai'uk told her, reading her expression with typical ease. "It is good to see you this way. Besides, with such motivation I will learn all the more quickly. I will be able to catch you in no time at all." Rai'uk made an awkward grab for her, which she evaded easily. Rai'uk smiled. "Ah, well. I must practice more, I suppose."

"Yes, practice," Shawn said eagerly. "Like this."

Shawn showed him a few basic strokes and made him practice against the current while she corrected his form. What she really wanted was for him to join her underwater where they could investigate the luminescent plant life and colorful pebbles in the riverbed, but Rai'uk wasn't anywhere near ready for that yet. She sighed and looked longingly at the gently waving plants which seemed to be beckoning her.

"Go on. I'm fine here," Rai'uk urged. "Let me see what I have yet to master."

Shawn grinned at him and dove, arcing gracefully toward the bottom. She spun like a top as she went, heedless of the show she was giving her mate. The plants' gentle light wasn't particularly bright, but it was enough to see...probably everything. Oh, well, Shawn thought. Let him look. He was up there, and she was down here. She really did wish he could join her, though, so she could show him the interesting pattern on this plant's fronds and the funny little curlicues clinging to the rocks.

After several minutes—her lung capacity was considerably better as a Na'vi than it had been as a human—Shawn propelled herself toward the surface. Rai'uk was still practicing diligently as her head broke the surface. She smiled happily, glad her quasi-apology had apparently been accepted. She wondered briefly if they would ever actually utter the words "I'm sorry" or if it would always be like this. Then she wondered if that was even a bad thing. In her experience, words rarely solved anything, anyway. She decided she rather liked their olive-branch method.

"We should probably return to kelutral for the feast," Rai'uk said. "We will be missed."

"It will not start without us," Shawn reminded him with a playful smile.

"No," Rai'uk agreed. "So we should not keep our people waiting."

Shawn sighed and turned toward the shore. "You are right, of course."

"Sha'ni," Rai'uk said, and she turned around. "We will do this again soon, yes?"

"Very soon," she said, nodding vigorously. "Tomorrow."

Rai'uk nodded. "Good."

Shawn returned to shore and did her best to dry herself off with some absorbent moss before putting her wrap back on. Perhaps she would start wearing the necklaces the other women wore. It would certainly be less uncomfortable after a swim. No one seemed to care much about boobs anyway, and hers weren't truly so big that she needed to bind them for support. She had gone along with Ninat's joke mostly so that she could could continue to cover her breasts completely.

"Sha'ni," Rai'uk called.

"I am here," she said, stepping out from the bushes. "Come, you were right. We should hurry."

"One more thing before we go," Rai'uk said, reaching out—she thought—to stroke her hair. The corners of his mouth quirked upward as he plucked a dripping weed from her queue. "I know what the river is for you. I am honored that you shared it with me, Sha'ni."

"You are my mate," Shawn said shyly, looking down.

"Sha'ni," Rai'uk said, cupping her face. "I am going to kiss you now."

Before she had time to think (or protest), Rai'uk's mouth was pressed firmly but gently against hers. It was nothing like the sweet, light kisses she had shared with Norm so many times. Even when getting what she considered to be hot and heavy, with Norm there had always been a certain lack of substance that she had found both comforting and irritating. Rai'uk's kiss, while not aggressive, crackled with restrained power, just like the rest of him. It was passionate and possessive...and it was just the slightest bit more terrifying than it was wonderful Just before panic struck, Rai'uk released her and stepped back, smiling.

"I see you, Sha'ni."

"Um," she replied, blinking dazedly.

"Run with me," Rai'uk urged, and held out his hand.

Shawn hesitated only a moment. Then she took his hand, twining her five fingers with his four.

"I see you, Rai'uk."


	8. Chapter 8

"Sha'ni, let's go!" Syulang said, tugging gently on Shawn's ear. "You can work on it when we get back."

"I am almost finished," Shawn insisted.

"So? Why do you need to finish it now when you won't be here to enjoy it?"

"For Rai'uk," Shawn said, struggling with the smooth but stiff plant fibers of their sleeping platform. "Ninat is working also, you know."

"Rai'uk been perfectly content sleeping on the ground for half the season," Syulang said, rolling her eyes. "I think he can last another few days."

"She wants him to think of her while she's gone," Ninat explained, smiling down at her own project.

"And who is that for?" Shawn asked, looking pointedly at the armband Ninat was working on.

"Ah, yes. Well, at least some progress is being made," Syulang said. "I'm sure Ateyo will cradle it and sigh each of the whole eight nights we will be gone."

"You should make a token too," Shawn said.

"And whom, I ask, would I make a token for?" Syulang snorted, but her apparent derision was belied by the sudden glow of her freckles.

"I know who," Shawn said with a sly smile.

"You do?" Ninat asked, looking at Syulang interestedly. "Who?"

"No one," Syulang said firmly. "She's trying to change the subject. "

"Who, Sha'ni? Tell me," Ninat begged. "Ooh, Syulang, when I find out you will be sorry for teasing me about Ateyo."

"There is no one!" Syulang huffed.

"Not yet," Shawn agreed, smiling serenely. "Do not worry, Ninat. You will know soon."

"How do you know these things, Sha'ni?" Ninat wondered.

"She doesn't know anything," Syulang growled. "She's just trying to distract me."

"She knew that Herwiva had conceived before she told anyone and before her freckles shifted," Ninat argued. "She knew that Winyayo didn't really want to make Iknimaya yet, even though she seemed to be excited about it. How do you do it, Sha'ni?"

"I watch," Shawn said with a shrug. "And...sometimes I dream. But Mo'at says I must learn to See when I am awake, so I watch. A lot."

"It's more than that," Ninat said, nudging Shawn with her elbow. "You are Tsahik."

"Almost," Shawn said with a smile. "There is much to learn."

Since the dedication ceremony a week before, Shawn had spent several hours each day in lessons with Mo'at and the rest of the time in rather more informal lessons with her clan brothers and sisters. With them she learned the mundane but entirely necessary arts of cooking, weaving, embroidering, jewelery-making, diaper-changing, and anything else that came up in the course of a woman's day. Rai'uk still made certain that she didn't ignore the men of the tribe completely, but seemed to accept that most of her time was better spent with the women. He had pointed out, however, that most of her "good guesses" regarded women and suggested that she make more of an effort to get to know the males of the clan so that they too could benefit from her insights. She didn't disagree, but, with the exception of Iley and one or two others, she still found the men intimidating.

"I am finished," Shawn announced, and held up her handiwork.

"Well done, Sha'ni," Ninat said approvingly.

"Really?" Shawn asked anxiously. "The weave went wrong here...and here."

"Well, you won't fall through," Syulang said with a grin. "Probably."

"Really, Sha'ni," Ninat reassured her, giving Syulang a quelling look. "I'm sure I did not do as well my first time."

Shawn smiled happily and got to her feet. "I find Rai'uk and then we go."

"Hurry," Syulang urged. "Neytiri and Peyral will both be on ikran; they're probably there already."

"They know we won't be traveling as quickly," Ninat disagreed. "Relax, sister; another few minutes won't matter. Why don't you go and get the Pa'li ready?"

Syulang sighed and went in search of the pa'li while Shawn went in search of her mate. Her heart pounded and her stomach twisted with the bizarre mix of anticipation and anxiety that she had become familiar since her first kiss with Rai'uk. He had kissed her several times since then and Shawn was slowly losing her fear of intimacy. In fact, she found that she was eager for his occasional caresses and disappointed that their kisses since the first had been of a lighter, less intense quality. She harbored a small, secret hope that her departure would inspire an enthusiastic farewell.

She found him surrounded by a gaggle of children and paused in surprise. He was showing them how to fashion a snare out of vines while they watched attentively. She studied the gentle expression on his face, so different from his usually fierce demeanor. She smiled, pleased to catch him in an unguarded moment. It wasn't a face that was totally unfamiliar to her, but it was rare enough that she wanted to savor the moment while it lasted. It wasn't long, of course, before Rai'uk glanced up and noticed her waiting. He unraveled the snare and handed it over, motioning for the children to have a go at it.

"Sha'ni," he greeted her as he rose. "Are you off to meet Neytiri and Peyral, then?"

Shawn nodded. "Yes. Syulang is very...she says to hurry."

"Syulang is very impatient," Rai'uk supplied. "But Syulang can wait. What have you got there?"

Shawn hesitated, then all but threw the bundled sleeping mat at him Rai'uk He caught it with a laugh and unraveled it. The wide smile that spread across his face made her stomach flutter pleasantly. She smiled back shyly, pleased to have her efforts met with such obvious approval. Rai'uk reached out and pulled her towards him, wrapping his free arm around her and pressing his cheek against hers.

"This is wonderful, yawne," he said. "I only regret that you won't be here to share it. Perhaps I will wait to hang it until you return?"

"No, no," Shawn protested, and blushed, shifting uncomfortably. Rai'uk lifted his eyebrows and squeezed her shoulders encouragingly. "I made it for you...for when I'm gone."

Rai'uk stared down at her for a moment, making her freckles glow even brighter, then threw his head back and laughed. Shawn stiffened and tried to draw back, but his arm tightened around her. He dropped the mat and held her tightly, stroking her freshly braided hair. Shawn tentatively put her arms around his waist, but didn't relax completely. He had become more open in his affection in the past week, but a full embrace was something new.

"Ah, Sha'ni," he said, still chuckling. "Thank you. It is a lovely gift, truly."

"It is not exactly a gift," she pointed out. "I will sleep in it also."

"The thought is the gift," Rai'uk said, squeezing her once more before letting her go. "I wish I had something similar for you."

"You do," Shawn said without thinking, then blushed so deeply she thought her freckles would throw sparks.

Rai'uk looked at her quizzically, then grinned. He took her in his arms once more and proceeded to kiss her so thoroughly that several clan members paused in their various pursuits to cheer and hoot teasingly. When it was over, Shawn stepped back and shook her head dazedly. Though she could hear the children giggling, she couldn't help the silly smile plastered on her face. She turned at Syulang's call.

"Greetings, Olo'eyktan," Syulang said as she approached, far more respectfully than Shawn was used to. "Sha'ni, the Pa'li are ready."

Rai'uk nodded pleasantly. "Hello, sister. You will travel by pa'li also?"

"Yes," Syulang said with a shrug. "It would be a lonely trip, otherwise."

"Indeed," Rai'uk agreed. "Well, I won't keep you any longer. Be safe, all of you."

"We will," Shawn promised, and followed Syulang into the forest where Ninat waited with the pa'li.

Shawn approached the large animals warily. The few rides she had taken under Rai'uk's supervision couldn't be called complete disasters, but Shawn wasn't wholly comfortable with the direhorses, either. She was glad that she would be mounted behind Ninat and not in control herself. Her nervousness bewildered Syulang and amused Rai'uk. Even Ninat, although she would never say anything, seemed bemused. None of them could understand why riding a pa'li presented such an obstacle when she had mounted a palulukan without hesitation. Shawn had tried to explain that riding a palulukan—at least in her experience—was more about suggesting a course of action and then tagging along for the ride rather than controlling another creature's movements (something she found extremely unsettling). Perhaps she hadn't explained herself very well, however, because they all still seemed to think she was being ridiculous.

Ninat and Syulang vaulted effortlessly onto their mounts' backs, and Ninat bent down to help Shawn swing up behind her. Shawn settled herself as comfortably as she could, placing her arms firmly around Ninat's slender waist. Ninat urged the pa'li forward and chuckled as Shawn's arms tightened.

"_Mawey_, Sha'ni," she said. "You're making Lrr'tok nervous."

Shawn took a deep breath and tried to imagine her body sinking into Lrr'tok's back as Rai'uk had taught her, reaching down and around with her legs. After a few minutes she relaxed at least enough for Ninat to move out of a walk. Nonetheless, she was more than happy to stop for a bite to eat and a chance to stretch her legs. She wondered if she would ever come to enjoy riding a pa'li. The sensation of another creature submitting so completely to her will unnerved her. Riding a palulukan was...not exactly a partnership, but certainly a collaboration. She found the second presence in her head comforting.

The young women spread out to gather food and then returned to the pa'li to share their spoils. Not for the first time, Shawn wondered at Pandora's plenty. When the People brought supplies such as dried meat or nikt'chey with them on an excursion, it was nearly always a matter of convenience rather than necessity. There was always food for the taking in the forest if you had some time to find it. Shawn was pleased with her haul: a net bag full of tubers and fruit as well as some nuts that she knew Ninat particularly enjoyed.

"I wonder if Peyral has bonded with Ngimkxetse yet," Syulang mused as they lounged at the base of a tree.

"I doubt it," Ninat replied with a grin. "She'll make him work for it."

"How does it happen normally?" Shawn asked curiously. "When a man chooses a woman?"

"What do you mean?" Syulang replied with a frown of puzzlement. "He chooses her, she accepts—or not—and they bond and mate...and that's that. Well, and the celebration afterward."

"There's more to it," Ninat disagreed. "If she agrees, they seek counsel from the Tsahik and their parents. The couple listens to their advice and then spend an eight-night apart and an eight-night alone with each other. After, if they decide to proceed, they arrange for a sleeping space separate from that of their parents. _Then_ they find go away together to bond and when they come back the celebration is planned—if the mating was blessed, of course."

"Oh," Syulang said, surprised. "How do you know all that?"

Ninat shrugged. "How anyone knows it, I guess. My older sisters were both mated, and all their friends. Neytiri is the only one of my friends who has a mate, but hers was...different. More like yours, Sha'ni. Abrupt, to say the least."

"None of my Tipani friends were mated," Syulang said. "And my aunt never...well, we weren't that close. How does it happen for the Sky People, Sha'ni?"

"I am not sure," Shawn said. "I did not have many friends, and no family. But I do know there is a ceremony. The woman wears white and the man wears black and they promise to love each other and all their friends and family are there. Then there is a celebration with cake."

"Cake?" Ninat asked.

"A sweet food," Shawn explained. "Very, very sweet. You probably do not like it. But it looks pretty."

"Why do they wear white and black?" Syulang wanted to know. "Does it mean something?"

"I have no idea," Shawn said honestly.

"Do you miss it very much, Sha'ni?" Ninat asked hesitantly. "Where you come from? Do you wish you'd had a ceremony with cake?"

Shawn laughed. "I never thought about mating when I was on Earth. I did not want to think about it here, either."

"But you are not sorry," Syulang said, seeking confirmation. Shawn was touched to see she and Ninat both looked slightly worried.

"No," Shawn said with a smile. "I am happy here, with my sisters."

"And your mate," Syulang prompted.

"Yes," Shawn agreed, and blushed, remembering Rai'uk's farewell. "Let's go. Our other sisters wait."

They continued through the afternoon and stopped shortly after nightfall. Shawn realized with some surprise that she missed Rai'uk as she settled down to sleep. While they had not exactly cuddled since their initial bonding, they often shared tsaheylu and held hands while falling asleep. Sometimes she even leaned her head against his shoulder, or he rested a hand on the curve of her hip. Shawn enjoyed it, but hadn't expected the small ache she discovered in the absence of these small intimacies.

They made good time the next day and reached the agreed-upon meeting place, a system of caves, by dusk. As Syulang had predicted, Neytiri and Peyral were already there. As Ninat had predicted, the Omaticaya had accurately gauged their Anurai sisters' pace and hadn't been waiting long. As Shawn had (privately) predicted, there was an argument anyway. Her friends' bickering was all in fun, however, and she wasn't worried. She was just glad to have them all together once more.

After weeks of of near-constant instruction in her duties as Tsahik, the opportunity to do absolutely nothing but enjoy being with her friends was heaven. Shawn didn't even feel guilty about it, for Tsahik had sent her off with warm praise and firm instructions to relax. Ever obedient, Shawn intended to do just that. The five friends renewed their vows and lounged around the fire, telling stories and catching up. Shawn mostly let them talk while she observed silently. Neytiri in particular seemed different, though she couldn't tell how.

"Sha'ni?" Peyral asked after some time, looking at her quizzically. "Are you alright?"

"Hm?" Shawn grunted, startled out of her reverie. "Oh, yes. Is Neytiri going to have a baby?"

Everyone gaped at her, then burst out laughing.

"Sha'ni! What a thing to say!" Ninat cried.

"Where did that come from?" Syulang cackled.

Neytiri, however, said nothing but tried to hide her glowing freckles behind her hands.

"Neytiri?" Peyral asked, shocked. "You're not pregnant, are you?"

"I don't think so," Neytiri said. "Not yet. But my body is ready for a baby. The change came on me a week ago. Sha'ni, how on earth could you tell?"

"I do not know," Shawn admitted. "You just look different."

"She's been doing this for weeks now," Syulang informed the others. "It's spooky."

"She is Tsahik," Neytri said, smiling proudly at Shawn. "You have quite a gift, sister."

"You probably do it too," Shawn demurred.

"Yes, but it took long years of training, and I think you're still better at it than I am," Neytiri told her. "You're a natural."

Shawn waved a hand dismissively. "Let us sleep. It was a long day."

"Maybe for you three," Peyral said with a grin. "Tiri and I lazed about all morning."

"How kind of you to take the first watch," Ninat said sweetly. "Thank you, sister."

Everyone laughed as they put out the fire with dirt and settled down for sleep. Once again, Shawn felt a pang of loneliness—or was it longing? Whatever it was, the feeling was eased somewhat by her friends' presence. She thought about Neytiri's body being "ready" for a baby, whatever that meant. She searched her memory for facts about Na'vi reproduction. Beyond the fact that they gave birth, she really didn't know much at all. Shawn wondered idly why Mo'at had never talked about it in her lessons. She probably didn't want to scare off her young charge, Shawn reflected with an internal roll of the eyes. And with good reason—before Shawn could even begin to contemplate a baby of her own and (what making one would entail), her mind screeched to a smoking halt. Shawn sighed. She was such a prude, she thought, even by human standards. She drifted off to sleep wondering how she might address that particular character flaw. Syulang would undoubtedly have an idea—or five.

Shawn came awake with a start, unsure of what had disturbed her sleep. Was it her turn for the watch? No. Syulang, Neytiri, and Peyral were all fast asleep; it was Ninat's turn. But where was Ninat? She looked around warily. There was no reason for her uneasiness—Ninat could very well be off somewhere having a pee—but Shawn couldn't shake the sense that something was not quite right. Two months ago, she would have shrugged it off. Now she knew better.

Shawn scented the air delicately, identifying the direction her friend had taken. She took a few steps into the forest, and then hesitated. She couldn't be completely sure there wasn't some innocent reason for Ninat's absence, but if something really was wrong, wandering into the situation by herself would be unhelpful at best and downright stupid at worst. Shawn returned and crouched next to Neytiri, shaking her gently. Neytiri would understand, and she wouldn't tease Shawn too much if it turned out there was nothing sinister afoot.

"Sha'ni?" Neytiri murmured sleepily as she sat up. "What's wrong?"

"I am not sure," Shawn said softly. "Ninat is gone, and I...I do not know. Something feels wrong."

"Let's find her, then," Neytiri said firmly, and rose smoothly to her feet. As she strung her bow, she asked, "Do you have her trail?"

"I think that way," Shawn said uncertainly. Her tracking skills were not anywhere near as honed as Neytiri's.

"You were right," Neytiri assured her after a moment's investigation. "Come on."

They slipped silently into the forest, moving cautiously with every sense alert. They saw nothing to indicate Ninat was in any kind of trouble, but the tightness in Shawn's stomach only grew stronger. She increased her pace until the two were moving so quickly that Neytiri barely avoided colliding with Ninat when she appeared in their path. Shawn ran into Neytiri's back and rubbed her nose where it hit.

"What's wrong?" Ninat asked, clearly surprised.

"We were hoping to find out," Neytiri replied. "Sha'ni had a feeling."

Ninat frowned. "I thought I heard something off and went to check. I was just coming back to get one of you."

"We should wake the others," Neytiri said with a frown. "I don't like this."

Ninat nodded. "Let's go."

Shawn, whose attention had been on the forest, seized Ninat's arm and hauled her forward just as an arrow whizzed by. Neytiri spun and loosed an arrow of her own.

"Run," she shouted in English, and jerked her head to the right. "That way—there's a river."

"Come on," Ninat cried, scrambling to her feet, and the two bolted away from Neytiri.

"Neytiri needs help," Shawn panted. "We get others."

"She knows what she's doing," Ninat said breathlessly. "Just run."

They ran as fast as they could without losing their footing, but soon they could hear rapid footsteps and the sounds of something moving through the vegetation without regard for stealth. They exchanged a frightened glance and sped forward with renewed strength. No matter how hard they pushed themselves, however, the footsteps continued to grow louder. Whoever was chasing them was clearly faster than they were. They needed some kind of advantage; no doubt that was why Neytiri had mentioned the river. But how much farther was it?

"Up ahead," Ninat gasped, clearly thinking along the same lines. "Ridge—drop through leaves. Trust yourself."

Shawn felt sick. She knew of the maneuver whereby one could drop long distances to ground by using leaves to slow the descent, but she had never actually done it. Theory and practice, she felt, could not be further apart. Alas, theory was all she had to go on and no choice but to put it into practice. Eywa help me, she thought. And God, too.

"Watch me," Ninat ordered, and with a burst of speed put herself ahead of Shawn, throwing herself off the ridge.

Shawn, only a few steps behind, gathered herself to leap—and was jerked viciously backward by her queue. With a cry of pain, she rolled to her feet and faced her attacker. It was a woman, one she recognized—barely—from the clan. It was one of the huntresses, a slightly older woman who was often away from camp.

"Why do you do this, sister?" Shawn asked angrily.

"You are not my sister," the other hissed. "You are not of the People. You are tawtute. A demon. You know nothing. You _See_ nothing."

"I See plenty," Shawn retorted, for once not bothering with humility. "You doubt the

wisdom of the Tsahiks?"

"Demon," the woman spat. "You tricked them!"

"You think they are so stupid?" Shawn demanded. "You think you know better than all the Tsahiks of all the clans?"

"Not all," the woman insisted. "Teyanari could not be deceived. She is not old and frail and tired of war. She sent us to cleanse the clans of your evil. Your presence upsets the balance so that she cannot heal my Kinke'u."

The angry Tsahik, Shawn thought grimly. Of course.

"She is wrong," Shawn said firmly. "It is her own hate and anger that upsets the balance."

"No," the woman said softly, her eyes flashing. "I will kill you and Tsahik will heal my son."

The woman drew a long-bladed knife and advanced. Shawn backed up, at a complete loss. Should she try to reason with her? That hadn't done any good. Could she run? No—she already knew the woman was taller and faster. Would she die a martyr and thereby bring the avatars and the clans together? No. Aside from being an all-around unsavory prospect, her death at this point would pass more or less unremarked by all but her friends and her mate. She needed to be alive to do her work. The wind shifted and her nostrils flared. What she scented on the breeze made her smile. She knew what to do.

"Die," the woman snarled, and raised her knife.

Shawn bared her teeth and let out a scream like the roar of a mountain lion. She hadn't known she was capable of making such a sound. The older woman twitched in surprise, giving Shawn the opening she needed to knock the knife out of the woman's hand and kick it over the edge of the ridge. An answering roar sounded in the distance. It seemed her friend the palulukan had shifted her territory when Shawn changed hers.

"I am Tsahik," Shawn growled. "I am Eywa's chosen and bond-sister to palulukan. I do not want to kill you...but I will if I must."

"Unnatural," the woman sputtered. "Unholy-"

"Demon," Shawn finished. "Yes, I know."

Shawn could hear her bond-sister approaching. The woman clearly could as well, for she stepped back and dropped into an anxious crouch, her ears twitching to and fro.

"Run," Shawn advised, and the palulukan burst into sight.


End file.
